#im gonna revel and enjoy regardless

[evermoredeluxe]

people in this fandom saying “oh general public will be pissed off if she wins every category”, who gives a fuck???!! let them be mad, i want them to be mad actually

you and me are on the same wavelength anon

[hypnagogics]

You should definitely write for Vi bc oml she’s so fine 😮‍💨

DO U EVEN KNOW THE WAY IM TWEAKIN OVER HER like omfg. my poor moots getting bombarded with fucking piles of edits upon edits of her and my thirsty comments...yeah...i gotchu, you don't needa ask me twice ♡ tbh feel like this is one of the better short smutty thingies i've written, lol. it was really fun.

nsfw drabble—dom!vi + spit kink. originally i was gonna make this three smaller blurbs, but decided to just smash em all into one longer drabble situation. cw: praise, bossy vi, finger sucking (r! receiving), oral (v! receiving), vi bush mention RAHHHH, yapping... yk how it is by now. + 1.1k wc.

you were gazing up at her with watery eyes, kneeling by vi's seated form, trying your hardest to ignore the deafening ache between your thighs.

vi is loving, and she knows how to treat you well. she always provides you with tons of care and happiness, however—she also possesses a dirty side to her.

a bandaged hand swipes at the bottom of your chin, her thumb prodding at your pursed lips. there was a smirk playing on her scarred lips, her powder-blue eyes twinkling with pure lust at the scenario playing out before her.

“open.” she says roughly, and who are you to deny her? you were willing to take anything she'd give you, so you obediently part your lips, allowing her to fully push her digit inside your hot mouth.

almost instinctively, your puffy lips wrap around her thumb and you begin to suck, your eyes rolling ever so slightly at the taste of her salted skin. she hums, “atta girl—keep going. just like that, until i say you can stop, alright?” you open your eyes and nod in approval, wishing to commit her expression to memory.

see, vi wasn't one of those mean, degrading doms with an icy exterior who get off on hurting you an excessive amount, and in moments like this where she's got you in a position of submission under her, her natural “switchiness” peeks through. you see it in the way her throat bobs as she swallows, her unsteady, shallow breathing coming out in rasps, and the distinct furrow in her flaming brows while she struggles to maintain eye contact. regardless, you both enjoy toying around with various dynamics, she makes it fun.

you get lost in a daydream while staring into her eyes, but are startled out of it when she strongly presses down on your wet tongue, and pushes her thumb further inward until you gag.

it surprises you, but you know she would never overdo things. tears well up in your eyes, their presence only widening her voracious grin.

then she soothes, her now-soft voice caressing your ears, “exactly, just like that. good job, baby. you're so perfect f'me—yeahhh.” she continues rolling her thumb around your wet muscle, every so often dragging the pad of her finger over the ridges of your teeth, then pushing experimentally up against the roof of your mouth.

saliva has been gathering all this time, and she hasn't given you a moment to swallow it, so it dribbles out of your mouth and down your chin, decorating your chest as it slides down your skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps along its path.

her face gets impossibly redder as she observes the sight, still while playing with—rather, using—your mouth. her movements speed up a touch, and she triggers your gag reflex once more before abruptly stopping. she pulls her hand out of your mouth with a pop, and throws her head back as she tries to steady her breathing. “you're so fuckin’ hot, god—i can't.”

you smile up at her, reveling in her break of character and being pleased with yourself. she's panting, and examines her hand; it's shiny and dripping with your spit, she's mesmerized by the sparkle it emits in the low light. her periwinkle eyes gloss over and suddenly there's a flash of fabric flying by, and you realize she has undressed herself in one fluid motion, throwing everything on her bottom half across the room. she’s so desperate, you can’t help but sneer at her horny distress, even though technically you were the one being overpowered.

your eyes drop, meeting a wild tangle of vermillion and crimson, her muscular thighs separating east and west to make space for you.

she leans back and gently nudges your head towards her tender, drooling core, her chest heaving at the way you're just melting under her touch. turning to jelly, you let her guide you where she wants. needs.

vi groans quietly, her breath hitching, “c'mon angel, you know what to do.” and you very much did. with her assistance, you advance and bury your face in her center, tongue finding her scarlet pearl—twitching and ready for you to obliterate.

you flick, you suck, and you moan at the heavenly taste of her essence, revel in the noises she's producing above you. she pulls you further in, bucking her hips frantically to chase your skilled mouth. you push your tongue inside her quivering hole as far as it'll go, taking as much of her in your mouth as you can, and ignoring the lack of oxygen you're experiencing—you would be more than pleased if you were lucky enough to die this way.

she's watching you intently through half-lidded eyes, chewing on her rosy lips. when you meet her gaze from in between her legs, her face contorts and she releases a guttural whine, more slick leaking from her and filling your hard-at-work mouth.

her grip on your hair tightens and her abs tense, providing you with an image that's worthy of a climax just on its own. her head falls back, her lips parting to allow for pretty, high pitched and pathetic pleas to grace your ears. “ple—please baby, just like that. you're so fuckin' good, don't you dare stop—ah!”

without any warning she makes a vulgar mess of your face, the vice grip on your crown causing you to wince, but just as she requests, you don't dare move.

you tilt your head to get a better angle, practically making out with her swollen pussy. you drink up her cum, the near-sickly sweetness clouding your mind, coating your thoughts in a drunken haze.

the high is rippling through her at such an intensity her loud moans are replaced with pornographic whimpers, the sensations utterly ruining her. she squirms and arches, caging your head between her thighs until she gasps.

"hah—okay, okay, oh—fuck.” she stutters while she pushes you away, the tremor in her body evident. you sit back and examine your work, feeling proud of yourself, her fucked-out condition proving you did a good job.

she's sprawled on the bed like a starfish, still trying to slow her racing heart but manages to chuckle, basking in the aftershocks of a mind-melting session.

her words are slurred, yet satisfied. “did so good, that was so good…love your mouth s'much babe.”

you guffaw, and throw at her through chuckles, “i know, i am the best.” that sends her into a fit of giggles as well, and once she's calmed down she confirms.

“yeah, you really are.”

thanks for reading! comments, reblogs, and asks are appreciated more than you know ♡ if you'd like to be tagged in future works, fill out the form here! until next time ;)

@andersonfilms @ch6douin @aouiaa @sapphic-ovaries @astro-cat2 @paqerings @littlefallenangel111 @srooch @sinfulprayerss @lvlymicha @sunnsh1ne @pinkcwake @marsworlddd @caszzine @saturnsdrafts @mascdom @ashaynep @angelynn-nicole @wilddrown @aylabv02108 @lonelyfooryouonly @melsmunch @e11williamsgf @spncrrdlvr @flowrmoth

[jemmo]

ok so it seems we have some jealousy vibes coming next week so for now im gonna enjoy all the happiness and butterflies from this ep bc omg was it the best.

this ep didn’t really have a lot of turning points, it was more a chance to see our boys happy which i am more than grateful for. i haven’t spoke about it yet, but this shows pacing is impeccable and this is just another point to show it. so many shows start off slow and then ramp up the drama to the finale, or a few shows have a kind of midpoint climax before the big climax at the end. this show falls more into the latter, although i don’t know what will be the big final obstacle we need to overcome before the finale, but anyway, what i want to say is that even when shows have a midpoint climax, they don’t often take the space to breathe before moving on. this show did. after the tension that had been built up and released over the previous two weeks, it took a whole ep to just let our boys be. that’s not to say there wasn’t progress or the ep was pointless, far from it, bc as any good anime would know, all good beach episodes happen for a reason. the reason here is for kohei to experience happiness beyond taichi and know that he can fit into a group of friends, and for taichi, my god was it an episode of longing. i don’t think even he knows it yet, but this boy was longing bad. which is important for the story bc this marks the first ep that we really feel taichi considering kohei in a romantic way, again, even if he can’t comprehend that himself yet. his big puppy eyes were out to play and the amount of just looks we got from the two this ep had me squealing, both that and the way taichi constantly lit up around kohei and sought him out to make sure he was ok and enjoying himself, bc taichi gets so much joy out of seeing kohei happy, and not just around him but in a group setting too. you really get a sense that taichi just so wants the best for kohei (which makes me scared for next ep when he thinks he’s better with someone else).

and i just wanna shout out that scene with them at night, with kohei teaching taichi sign language. first, the show does such a good job at telling us things indirectly that say so much about a character. here, all the stuff kohei is teaching taichi about how to say hamburgers and delicious and im full, you can tell that kohei has gone out of his way in his lessons to learn these things bc of taichi, bc he can use them with taichi and share them with him, it shows that he’s thinking of him even in the scenes we don’t see. and then he teaches taichi his name, and idk why this got to me so much, it just seems so personal to learn and share, to give someone their name in a a different language, and when taichi cutely gets it wrong and kohei corrects him, with their hands physically touching, you can see how much it gets to kohei, how flustered he gets by it all, and then he goes in with the big line, and taichi is speechless. kohei thinks it’s a bad kind of speechless bc he later says he won’t do it again, but my god are you wrong kohei, this is the best kind of speechless. there’s just something doubly amazing to the revelations taichi is having at the moment, bc there’s everything to do with realising he likes kohei romantically and everything that comes with, but often what’s talked about less but I equally love seeing a character realise is just how much someone likes them, especially when it’s something new, and regardless of whether you’ve been liked before, it feels different somehow, bc you like that person, and want them to like you, so you get those butterflies when they say something like that, something flirty, bc wow, they like you, and you like that they like you. and taichi is so good and expressing that kind of feelings just through those puppy dog eyes bc it’s so good to see someone who’s always cheerful and active and talkative have the rug pulled from under them and be rendered speechless. it’s why i don’t mind that they’re taking their time with taichi, i kind of love it, bc you get to see all these different realisations he’s having, and it makes you understand why it’s not just as simple as realising you like someone and expressing it, it’s all these other things that you’re experiencing for the first time and have to come to understand, and that’s all before you even think about when or how to express it, and mustering up the bravery to do so. everything was so simple for taichi before, so much still is, but this is something complex and you can see his gears turning trying to understand himself and it’s just so amazing to watch. it’s also why im not mad that, after being such a theme especially in the last ep, taichi didn’t repeat himself when they were going to bed when kohei misheard him. it’s understandable both bc taichi doesn’t yet have the bravery to express himself, but also bc it feels like kohei has already resigned himself to the fact that taichi doesn’t like him like that, or it’s easy for him to believe that, and so he doesn’t want to hear what he thinks taichi is saying, which he would think is him affirming that he doesn’t want to be kissed, so he doesnt ask for it to be repeat. oh kohei you could not be further from the truth. but you’ll find out, soon enough.

[lixie-lovie]

{ Mysterious Stranger | skz }

h.hyunjin x reader

Chapter 3: The Fall

Genre: Dark!au, Thriller-ish, Fantasy!au

Warnings: Some cursing, mentions of bodily mutation?, mention of weapons/blood/demons

((if anything else needs to be tagged/warned about please send me a message..i’ll fix it asap))

Word Count: 3.5k

Note: Okay I am becoming so excited for this story to continue, but I can only hope I am portraying all of the coolness of the idea through my writing ugh the struggle. Is this even a good story oof im unsure. Regardless, hope whoever is reads this enjoys as more should be coming soon! It’s gonna get good ;) Thx for reading and u have a great day <3

Chapter Song: Thunder - VeriVery

<< prev   next >>

 ____________________

It was at this moment I deemed that time felt as if it was stagnating. The rushing mid-afternoon air was whipping my hair around wildly and hurrying so quickly past my ears during my descent that the only noise I could recognize was a loud whistling and something rumbling faintly below me. I pondered on my possible end, but somehow I wasn’t afraid or screaming. No, in this moment of free fall where all I had to hold onto was faith and inevitability of time between myself and the ground I felt free, serene, alive even.

I felt my lips turning upwards in a small, genuine smile as I let out laughter that bubbled up deep from within my chest. I curled my limbs inward and felt almost childlike in my blissful glee. I kept my eyes closed and focused on feeling every second I had before the ending of this journey came. I counted down the seconds and my face turned further to the sky the higher the numbers would go until suddenly the impact came.

I fell limply down, the impact rough as a dull oof left my lips. Suddenly I realized what predicament I had found myself as I definitely didn’t just land on the hard concrete ground of the alleyway that was below the window I had just launched myself out of. I peeled my tightly shut eyes open one by one letting the bright, afternoon sun blind me for a moment before regaining my sight. As I did, however, I suddenly found myself laughing again.

I was staring into the eyes (or, well, where I thought his eyes were) of a man. A man covered in a black mirrored visor helmet, wearing all sleek, black leather, sitting on top of an equally as black motorcycle. I found myself giggling gleefully as I pressed my hands harshly against this man’s firm chest, laughing at how I marvelously wasn’t dead and also had just been randomly caught by a mysterious stranger (haha I know cheesy right). Because this seemed to be the least surprising thing I had encountered recently, I found myself bubbling out more laughter amidst a few gracious “thank you”s even as the man’s sturdy arms found my hips to lift me off of his obviously expensive bike. He plopped me unceremoniously down on my feet beside him, my back to the building I was in only moments before. 

My laughter slowly died down as I really took the situation in, but a silly smile still graced my features. I am sure now, I looked wild with my hair all over the place, my face covered in sweat and grime, and laughter bubbling out of my chest after falling out of a window. As I allowed myself to take in the man’s appearance properly, not sitting on his lap, I noticed that his build seemed familiar, like someone I had maybe seen in passing, but didn’t decide to ask many questions considering the circumstance. I found myself silent, unable to come up with much to say about the ridiculous situation I had ended up in. Thankfully, I wouldn’t have much chance to say anything before the man made a move to break the awkward tension. 

His large, slender, black leather glove clad hands slowly moved up to remove his helmet. I watched, enraptured at the way this other human was moving before me, as slowly the tan skin of his neck was revealed dawned with silver chains of some kind of series of necklaces tucked into his leather coat. Then, a light blond ponytail could be seen, tied at the base of his neck with some kind of thick, beaded black cord. Soon enough he was shaking his head free of the sticky sweat clad hairs on his forehead before furrowing his brows deeply and looking right into my shock stricken eyes. 

“Do you always get this much of a kick out of jumping out of windows, lady?” He spoke with a voice like honey. Deeper than I had imagined and angrier than I anticipated. I raked my eyes swiftly over him, taking in his honey skin, piercing eyes, and defined features. This man’s appearance was striking in many ways, but I couldn’t help myself from becoming dumbstruck by my own sudden realization. The man who had just saved my life was none other than the blade flipping man at the diner. The same made who had given me the dagger that started this whole ridiculous adventure. I staggered backwards suddenly, both physically and mentally stricken by this revelation. “Well? What’s wrong with your face??” He said, obviously waiting for some kind of response by the angry look dawning on his features and the grating tone of his voice. Man, this guy never looks happy huh?

Before I could come up with something to say from the thousands of thoughts racing through my head as my heart pounded dully in my chest I heard a sudden noise from overhead. The strange man and I turned our chins towards the sky and took in the scene unfolding from the window I had just been persuaded to jump out of. 

Seungmin was there, sweat dripping off of his forehead in beads, his arms littered in cuts and his clothing ripped and covered in red. The creature, now in a much less man-like form, was in front of him, facing away from the glass-void window at it’s back as it tried to pry itself free from his grip. Seungmin’s face contorted into a snarl as he drove the eerily similar to my own dagger into the monsters chest, forcefully tearing it towards the creature’s face, ripping a deep, black hole through the tough, burnt skin and dispersing the inky black blood of the creature all over his sweaty, heaving features. Before the ash began to eat the creature away, however, it got one final move in by reaching forward to grab Seungmin by the collar of his now stained and torn grey sweater, ripping him forward and out of the window, dooming him to fall as I had before, but this time without someone ready to catch him. 

I heard myself scream as I watched them fall. The monster turned to ash quickly during the descent, turning the air into a scene of grey and red specks floating around mixing with the array of glittering broken glass surrounding Seungmin’s bleeding, falling form as if taunting him one final time before his inevitable doom. Just as my scream was dying down I saw a sudden, swift movement from the man beside me. Faster than I could comprehend he had abandoned the bike on it’s side, the sound of the metal scraping against the concrete loud in the otherwise quiet alleyway. His footsteps pounded against the ground in a strong, graceful way before reaching the wall of the building on the far side of the alleyway. He leaped into the air extraordinarily high and began scaling the wall at an inhuman speed that seemed meticulous and practiced. He made his way a few feet up, stopping briefly to calculate, before turning 180 degrees and launching himself backwards, nimbly grasping his strong arms around Seungmin’s lower waist as Seungmin swiftly forced himself stiff and they tumbled down to the ground together. I felt as if I was watching in slow motion as I took in each detail sharply. Their impact was nearly silent in a way that had me gasping for air as they rolled together in an almost playful, dancing course of action and landed safely on their feet, seemingly unharmed from the fall, holding each other’s forearms tightly. 

“Hyunjin!” Seungmin gasped out excitedly, while removing himself from the other man’s embrace to run his eyes over his disheveled appearance. “I didn’t think Chan-hyung would send you of all people!” He said, increasing the volume of his voice with each excited word. “You look like shit.” He finished, matter-of-factually while laughing and tugging on the man’s blonde locks harshly. 

“Good to see you too and you don’t look much better right now, reckless one.” The man, Hyunjin?, grunted out harshly, the pleasant look on his face betraying his harsh tone. 

My mind was racing between the events that had just unfolded from the mysterious man’s actions, to catching my fall and the fight I had endured, to Seungmin’s brutal slaying of his own literal demon. I realized I wasn’t breathing when I was broken out of my stoic stance by the sound of my name being yelled as footsteps grew nearer. 

“Y/n!” My eye’s subtle haze of thoughtfulness melted away allowing me to see Seungmin rushing over towards me with an expression of relief on his face. I felt my brows furrowing and my nose scrunching up at his disgruntled appearance. I tried to form a question out of the many ones wandering through my mind as he grew nearer, but found myself only forming new ones as I took in the blood dripping from his sleeves, unable to tell who it belonged to. I decided to simply keep my mouth tightly shut for fear of the answers I may receive if I did start asking more questions. Seungmin grabbed the sides of my face to twist and turn my body, checking me for any severe injuries. Once he deemed I was okay enough to step away from he turned back to the man, now brushing his clothes off a couple of feet away. They each muttered some words that I was too lost in thought to comprehend. Seungmin then turned back to me with a strict expression I hadn’t seen since we were kids and I had spilled red nail polish all over my mother’s favorite white rug. 

“I know you must have a lot of questions right now, but now isn’t the time for answers. This man is my friend, Hyunjin. He is gonna take you somewhere safe for now okay? I need you to stay by his side and listen to what he tells you to do. I have to stay here, there’s something I have been assigned to do, but I will come find you soon.” He spoke softly, but sternly, in a way that had me holding on to each word. I nodded my head slowly, albeit slightly hesitantly, and he bit back a small smile of relief at my compliance. He grasped the sides of my face softly before planting a quick, loving kiss to my sweaty forehead. The man, now known as Hyunjin, made an overly dramatic noise of disgust from behind Seungmin’s back and I couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that fell from my lips. I gave Seungmin a brief hug before looking him over and telling him to stay safe and to find me soon. He smiled softly and nodded before pushing me towards the stranger and running off towards the building he had come out of before. 

I sighed and bit my lip, wringing my hands in nervousness before turning my eyes back to the man. The once soft expression he wore around his friend had slipped from his features and was replaced with lips down-turned and one sly eyebrow raised at my puny, fear-riddled form. He sighed and gave me a once over as he walked slowly over to his side-lying bike before bending over and grunting softly while he straightened it up and assessed the damages. My eyes stayed trained on his every move, whether out of curiosity or distrust I couldn’t determine. 

“I’m sure you’re just dying to ask questions, but I’m not willing to answer any. I am just here to ensure you don’t die before everything unfolds. Now,” He said coolly, swinging his leg nimbly over the bike and grabbing his helmet before turning his head to look at me insensibly, “rules are simple. Shut up, hold on, and listen to what I tell you to do no matter what.” He quickly ducked his head to put the helmet on before turning his now covered eyes back in my direction and nodding his head in a manner I could only interpret as “are you coming or what?”

I shook my head softly, anger slowly coursing through my veins as my previously curious thoughts became clouded with how much of a prick this guy seemed to be. I wanted to ask what he meant by “before everything unfolds,” but realized I probably wouldn’t receive an answer anyways so I quickly bounded over to the bike instead. Hopping on I loosely slid my hands around his sides to form some kind of grip for myself and just as I began to question the legality and safety of getting onto such a dangerous machine with an obviously dangerous man I heard his voice speak loudly over the rumbling of the engine. “You’re gonna want to hold on a little tighter than that, little one.” 

Just as proclaims of needing a helmet of some kind for myself started to leave my lips, his feet lifted off of the ground and the large wheels of the motorcycle began to spin before the vehicle was in motion, much faster than I would have liked to have started out if I am honest. A yelp left my lips as we sped out of the alleyway and I felt my arms unconsciously grip the man’s firm, sturdy waist much tighter as I pressed my cheek to the cool leather covering his back.

My hair whipped around wildly in the wind, making me wish I had tied it up in some way. My eyes were pressed closed tightly from fear as the whistling of rushing air was once again the only thing filling my ears. I tried to make out where we could be headed through the different twists and turns of the ride, but the pure speed at which we were going jumbled my thoughts and left me feeling confused and scared. After one particularly hard turn my grip became stronger as I felt a noise unconsciously slip through my lips. I then felt more than heard the deep chuckle that shook Hyunjin’s shoulders against my now rosy cheek pressed firmly to his shoulder. 

As my thoughts took over and I lost the sense of time around me I suddenly noticed the bright orange hues of the afternoon sun were no longer piercing through my closed eyelids, but instead we were now somewhere dark and enclosed by the sound of the rumbling roar of the engine bouncing off of what seemed to be tunnel walls. Bright, fluorescent white light flashed behind my eyelids periodically leaving me scrunching my eyes closed tighter as the bike began to pick up more speed. I tasted metal and I felt blood begin to pool in my mouth from how hard I had been biting into my lip out of fear and cautious curiosity.

I was quickly drawn from thought as I heard a strange noise and felt Hyunjin’s body move sharply under my arms before the bike was suddenly turning 90 degrees and sliding nearly parallel to the ground. I opened my eyes sharply with a gasp as it seemed like the world had slowed down briefly and took notice of the fact that we were now moving sideways under a large gate with a barely tall enough gap left at the bottom as it was lowering to latch into the ground. The gate, a dark black metal painted with red detailed and embellished with an intricate blood red ‘S,’ that had me gasping for air and quickly ripping my face away from Hyunjin’s jacket to look around frantically at my new surroundings in a panic. My grip became looser as I took in the simple, but elegant look of this white and gold tunnel before the end of the tunnel ahead became bright, blurring my vision. Hyunjin leaned forward jarringly, gaining more speed forcing me to follow suit. 

The bike then slowed suddenly causing my body to lurch forwards as a loud yelp left my lips. I could now hear Hyunjin’s cacophony of laughter as he slowed the bike to a subtle roll before turning it off and hopping off quickly. I waited for a gentlemanly hand of help to get down from the large bike, but soon realized I was being rudely denied of that. Sighing loudly I watched as Hyunjin’s form slowly slinked away towards two large doors attached to a large white stone building I had somehow not noticed until now. 

Quickly after I unceremoniously made my way clumsily off of the tall bike a seemingly young man in all black with a small, sweet smile came rushing up to take the bike away for Hyunjin. He held his white glove clad hand up in greeting before slowly rolling Hyunjin’s bike back the way we had come to a place I wasn’t sure of. I then rushed to catch up to Hyunjin’s retreating form hoping to not get lost around this odd hideout in a part of the city I had never seen before. Once we were within range of the doors, however, I found my pace slowing as I took in their ornate beauty. 

Two large, black doors covered in ornate gold paintings of leaves and other intricacies stood intimidatingly in front of me. The building itself was large and seemingly very old. Upon closer inspection the white stone appeared to be a lightened grey due to years of standing tall in the sun and the intricate details around the windows and seals of each floor held deep cracks from ages of weathering. My neck ached trying to look upwards to see the tall roof above me and my chest felt full at the strange aura this whole place gave off. My instincts were blazing with alarm. Regardless of the intimidating look of the thick, cold stone and black metallic detailing of the building, the atmosphere somehow felt calm, safe even. Something about this place felt powerful, but passive. My pace slowed to a stop a couple of feet behind Hyunjin as we approached the doors. He casually walked forwards towards them before muttering a few words I didn’t quite catch before turning back around to face me with a small, sly smirk on his face. 

Clicks and creaks could be heard before the doors began to crack open allowing my curiosity to peak as I waited anxiously to see what would be inside. As the doors fully opened I gasped taking in the sight of the intricate and modern place. It seemed as though each hallway led to entirely different areas. An entire operation of sorts could be run here, a functioning company of people all working under one strange roof miles away from the bustling, naive city. Although the main ornate entrance area in my sight was empty the sounds of swords clashing and other forms of presumable training could be heard from somewhere deeper in the facility, typing on numerous keyboards sounded from the other direction, and other noises I had yet to figure out were happening in so many directions it made my head spin. 

The whole place was intricate and obviously expensive. My eyes trailed over each detail meticulously, trying to come to some fathomable conclusion about the place, but ending up further intrigued and confused. The interior design of the building was cozy, albeit slightly thrown together, but the color palette of the design seemed to stay consistent throughout all I had seen, blood red. A dark, dull chuckle and a firm hand on the small of my back shocked me out of my still form with a gasp. I hadn’t even noticed the man’s movement in my direction before I was pushed lightly forwards, stumbling into the main room. I whipped my head in Hyunjin’s direction to send a glare his way before sighing and shakily reaching up to brush my hair out of my face. “Where the hell am I right now?” I said as harshly as I could manage through the concern threatening to climb up my chest cavity and choke me.  

“Welcome to Stray Kids base.” He proclaimed with his arms stretched out in a gesture towards the interior of the building. He took a few steps in before doing a small circle only to turn back around and let his arms fall to his sides where he reached into his sleeve and like magic pulled out the blade he had given me starting all of this. I gasped at the sight of it and made a mental note to find a way to ask all of the questions coming to the forefront of my mind later. “Try not to let this out of your sight again, I won’t always be willing to bring it back to you and you’re gonna need it.” He then tossed the blade harshly at me. I caught it without thinking too much about the gesture and let it rest heavy in my sweaty palm.

“Better get used to all of this.. it all starts right here.” He said with a devilish grin, turning on his heel nonchalantly to begin walking down one of the many hallways. The sound of his black leather combat boots padding against the tile flooring pierced through my thoughts dully. I could hear his dark chuckle as my feet began to move of their own accord to follow him. He turned his head so I could only see a shadowed version of his profile before speaking. “So, how about a tour?”

[musicnoots]

Honey, Hold On For Me

Shifty Powers/Reader

Prompt “The way I feel when I’m with you...” requested by anon

A/N: i’m sorry this took so long but i finally beat writers block and this present to you all... THIS!

Synopsis: You and Shifty begin to talk about the future—what lies ahead on your journey together and what happens when the story ends. 

Tags: @wexhappyxfew @junojelli @dumpofdumblings @bandofmarvels @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @floydtab @tvserie-s-world​ @yeahcurrahee​ @gottapenny​ @dustyjjumpwings​ @those-dusty-jump-wings​ @meteora-fc​ @rayleighshughes​ @medievalfangirl​ @majwinters​ @not-john-watsons-blog​ @alienoresimagines​ @david-weepster​ @higgles123​ @curraheev​

It’d been a long day, warm and breezy, honey-slow for a change. He was lucky enough to snag a moment for himself after weeks of fighting along the frontlines, briefly forgetting the sound of death and instead, his day was filled with you, humming a tune as you laid just mere inches away from him.

It was familiar, but he can’t quite put his finger on it—he thinks it’s probably one of those Ella Fitzgerald songs he used to hear on the radio during those hot, summer nights back home at Clinchco. He rests against the trunk of the tree his body leans against, you’ve laid your head on his lap, eyes closed as his fingers became weaved within the strands of your hair—he thinks you look beautiful. The sun shines on your face so perfectly, it highlights your features so marvelously, the identity of the mystery tune no longer plagues his head but rather, replaced by another.

“I had a dream the other night.”

“Hm?” You glance up, unbothered.

Shifty fights the urge to shy away from the question. Instead, he rests his head against the tree his body leans against and brushes a stray hair from your face. “I had a dream...about us. We were married.”

You open your eyes, and the corners of your lips curved upwards. “We were?”

“Yeah,” he breathes. “We lived in a beautiful house back at Clinchco—two stories, nice, big ol’ living room, and a cute little pupper waiting for us in the front yard. Don’t think we named ‘im, but we were married, darlin’. Wedding bands and everythin’.” The rings were gold, he remembers. He’d run his thumb over the metal when he takes your hand into his over the kitchen counter, early morning I love yous exchanged over hot coffee. Having you be a part of his life in the years to come just felt like the right thing to happen. “I guess...I guess it was everything I could’ve ever wished for.”

“Everything you could’ve ever wished for?” you echo back, asking if you had heard him right and he nods. 

“It was all so...perfect. It was the best dream I’ve had in a long time, and I still think about it, how...how wonderful everything was. And it just made sense, y’know, after all this war stuff, for me to go back home and settle down.” He looks down and hopes to see a look of agreement on your face, that maybe, you’d want to tag along with him in the end.

But of course, he doesn’t know what your post-war ambitions include. You’re young, you and Shifty both, at the ripe old age of twenty-one, he wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t feel like setting down just yet. If you wanted to travel the world, earn a university degree, reach for the highest stars in the sky, he’d promise that he’ll be by your side, even if it meant delaying his own plans until the time was right. Shifty doesn’t care where his future endeavors take him, he just knows that he’s meant to live them out with you. 

“I think at this point, we both deserve that,” you say, rolling on your side and smiling at him. You’re glad you both grasped a moment for yourselves because if this was the last time you’d see each other, this is the way you would spend it—in his arms, at ease. “I’m hopin’ I get to live long enough to live that, you know? I don’t even know if I’ll be lucky enough to see your face tomorrow, I’m stuck here savoring this moment between us here, so that I’ll have something to hold on to if either of us don’t make it.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but the words come stuck at his throat. When you put it like that, Shifty becomes more aware of the circumstances that surround the universe at this very moment, and he’s almost found himself with a change of heart, a revelation. He pulls his hand away from your hair and traces the shape of your eyebrow with his thumb. He wished he would have appreciated this moment as much as you did. “I...I never thought of it like that before...suppose our days together are numbered, and we don’t know how long it’s gonna last.”

“Life without you, I don’t even wanna think what that would look like, Darrell. I never wanna think about a world where you’re not in it. Guess I love you a lot, but I just wanna believe that we’d be together until the end of time. Physically, emotionally, spiritually…”

“Maybe the best we could do is to hold onto each other for as long we can,” he says. He’s not so sure else to say. He didn’t expect for this conversation to ever happen, but he thinks it was bound to happen anyways—fighting on in a war next to the person he loves, it was a conversation he should have been ready for, but he never knew how heavy it would be.

It’s a solemn evening. 

What began as a simple conversation of dreams and what ifs turned into a serious talk about life and death in a time where the next sunrise isn’t even guaranteed for every soul that long to see it. Shifty starts to think that maybe this conversation was meant to happen. He should have known that there might be a day where he would have to let go of you, go on with life as if you didn’t hold his heart with the gentlest hands—he realizes that he only wants to spend the rest of his own life with you. The first time he kissed you, behind the mess hall under the hot Georgia night, hair matted against your skin, he already knew there was no else he would rather spend life’s adventures with.

“I’ve been meanin’ to ask you,” he speaks again, “if you’d be okay livin’ the rest of forever with me. You don’t have to say yes.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “I don’t have to say yes?”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna force you into making a decision for me—I know Clinchco ain’t exactly a town with a whole lot of opportunities,” he said, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “No matter what you say, I won’t love you any less. You could be halfway across the country doin’ ya own thing, and I’ll still be writing you love letters like I always do. Hopin’ they’ll nicer by then, but I can’t make a promises that they’ll be in any form extravagant.”

The speech smacks you across the face. You roll off his lap and plant your hand on the Earth to keep you steady. “Darrell...you really don’t have to—“

“But honey, I do mean it,” he interrupts. He bites his bottom lip and watches your expression, your eyebrows as they knit together in shock. “The way I feel when I’m with you...I just wanna feel it everyday, forever. I don’t care where in the world you take us, I just wanna be with you, Clinchco or not.”

“How come I don’t have to say yes?” you ask.

“‘Cause I know Clinchco ain’t the town for everyone, and I don’t know if you’d wanna settle down with some ol’ hillbilly like me. I know I can’t offer a whole lot to you. If you don’t wanna be seen with a fella like me, I understand, and I’ll still love you no matter what. And if you don’t wanna be with me no more, or if we can’t be together after this, just know that I would rather have you for the time we have right now than anyone else for the rest of my life.”

“Darrell…”

He gives you a sad smile. He means it.

You hold up a hand to his cheek and stroke the skin gently. “But I don’t know what I wanna do after all of this is over...we don’t even know when this is gonna end.”

“That’s alright, maybe we can think about it on the way…” He takes your hand and plants his lips on your palm. “I just needa know if you’re willing to spend the rest of eternity with...with me.”

For a fleeting moment, you’re motionless and Shifty’s smile starts to fade away with every passing second. He knows not to make a fuss about it, after all, he only wants what’s best for you, and he’ll be happy regardless of your decision. 

“Yeah.” You sit back on your haunches and take his face into your hands. “I do wanna spend it all with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You pull him in for a kiss, his own hands resting on the curve of your back. He worries about his lips being chapped, but you’ve kissed him one too many times to even bother with that—it’s perfect every time.

He pulls away after a short moment. “I’m not guilting you, am I?”

“No.” You shake your head. “Never. I’m choosing to live it out with you, and wherever this world takes us—who knows? I’m not expecting anything lavish, dear. All I really want is to be by your side, and for you to be right by mine.”

He’s awestruck. “You really do mean it, do you?”

“I know this is where I’m supposed to be.” You sit yourself next to him with your back against the tree trunk and put your head on his shoulder. “This is where I’m meant to be…”

There’s only a few more hours left until the both of you are able to get some shut eye, the sun finally ends her descent below horizon to welcome the faint outline of the moon. Shifty thinks about his dream again, how it would be to sleep together in an actual bed, legs tangled beneath blankets, wedding bands resting on the nightstand nearby—he wonders if that’s exactly what the future has in store for him. In another world, he wouldn’t have to worry about making it out the war alive, rather, he’d just have to worry about how long you both can sleep in together until you feel the guilt seep in from your sides. 

He wraps his arms around you and watches as the shadows on the ground slowly blend into nothing, daylight fading away into the solemn darkness of the night. He feels content with what he has now and kisses the top of your head. You smile and squeeze his thigh, all too focused on enjoying the moment as it is.

For now, he would have to hold on for a little while longer. For the both of you. 

[itwillbeall-dwight]

what happens in metropolis

david tapp & dwight fairfield; canon-typical violence; saw timeline!dwight; panic attack tw; 3481 words

a/n: did you think i was gonna write things that made sense? HA thats very funny. anyways i hc dwight is from the saw timeline. why? because i like dwight and i like saw ok, shut up. i also want some dad tapp content and if i have to make it myself then i WILL.

i’ve got a couple more fics that are almost done, i promise im not dead. as always, drabble reqs are open, so if you liked this for some reason, get into my askbox ya dingus.

likes < reblogs, any comments in the tags are appreciated

ao3 mirror in the reblogs!

Preview: The leader gave a weak smile, moreso to comfort himself than anything else, it seemed, wincing as he rolled his shoulder. “OK… what now?” “We’ve gotta that off you. Did she… explain the rules?” “I… no, but I-I think I’ve got it.” Dwight started to shuffle where he was curled up, trying to get to his feet, but he was still somewhat shaky, like a newborn fawn, leaning on the wall of scrap as well as Tapp for support. He inhaled, and exhaled, breath still short. “There were… boxes, I think the key is in there.” Of course, that made the most sense, it seemed. “Right. You start heading to one of those, and I’ll-”

From across the yard, a generator powered on, and from where they sat, the clock started counting down. 

Waking up by the campfire was like waking up from a bad hangover. There was a thump in his head and the taste of iron in the back of his throat, as he shielded his eyes from the distant light of fire. As he stirred, the little company residing by the flames paid him mind, checking on his condition, asking who he was with a pity in his eyes that he didn’t quite understand. But he told them regardless - he was David Tapp, a detective from the Metropolitan PD (former, though they didn’t need to know that, not yet), and, as far as he remembered, he was investigating the Jigsaw murders.

 They didn’t know much, about the fog and forest that surrounded them, but the redheaded Meg told him what they knew, introducing him around the camp at the few people that were there - some of them were in a ‘trial’, she’d said, while also adding she’d explain that later, as well - trying to make him feel as at ease as he could be in the situation they were in. He sat down on a log as she went off to talk to the girl in the beanie again, taking his hat off and rubbing the back of his neck, looking down at the dull police badge that hung around his neck, almost mocking him at a false sense of status.

 “I, um- hey.”

A voice next to him made him look up, meeting the eyes of a man in glasses, fiddling with his tie. The leader of the group, Meg had said. Dwight was his name. Tapp forced a small smile. “Uh… hey.”

“Do you, um…” He seemed oddly nervous, avoiding eye contact and simply moving a hand to gesture to the seat next to the detective. “Do you mind i-if I-”

He silently moved aside, letting the younger man sit down, oddly tense and awkwardly keeping his eyes on the fire in front of them, or maybe to the conversation quickly growing heated between the beanie girl and the tall brutish young man just across from the campfire. Tapp followed his eyes, leaning forward with his elbows on his legs-

“I-I know who you are.”

The phrase was somewhat unnerving, coming from the man in the glasses now staring very intently at him as his head almost snapped back to look at him. The detective hesitated for a moment. “Y… yeah?”

“...That sounded… really bad- god, I-I’m sorry, I just- I- argh, dammit-”

“No, no, you’re good, kid.”

He inhaled, and exhaled, wringing his hands as if to calm himself down. “You’re… Detective David Tapp, aren’t you? You were investigating the Jigsaw murders. I-I saw your… your memorial, on TV.”

A breath caught in his throat, if only for a moment, as he tried not to think about the thought of a send off when he still was still alive, in… some capacity. “I… see.”

There was an empty silence after that revelation, with Dwight still keeping his eyes on the man as he swallowed, seeming to try and wrap his head around the idea that someone had watched him live and die. “You did an a-amazing job, if it… means anything.”

He sighed, sitting up, his voice lower, as if not to alert the others - better not to spread the secret too far… at least, not yet. “Did they catch the bastard?”

He paused. “I… yeah. They caught one of them, I-I think. Kind of. He, uh… died.”

There was a quiet growl from the man. Of course there had to be more than one. For a moment, he thought back to the doctor he was tailing - just who else was involved in those twisted games of playing god? And if not him, who was it?

They didn’t speak much more on it, after that, as the trial had concluded and a hand slapped down on his shoulder, introductions moving swiftly on and leaving the young man who knew too much about him with his mouth hanging open. 

 Despite their first meeting, Dwight was a capable leader, Tapp soon learned. He was a kind man, sacrificial to a point, nowhere near as much of a coward as he’d initially thought, as he watched him push his friends over to take a slash from a machete or a pair of mangled claws. He made plans, gave orders - no matter the weak disposition it was given in, one that felt like paper in a strong breeze - and protected those who he called his friends, no matter the teasing and harsh words thrown his way by a select few. He was a man trying to prove himself, either to those around him or…

 Tapp had learned what trials were, soon enough, guided by Claudette as they tried to evade the Trapper, a large, tall man, armed with a machete and bear traps, as if he was hunting down small game in the forest… in a way, that was almost accurate. That trial, while stressful, soon passed in success, and while the whole situation was still unbelievable, he soon found himself oddly adapting to the new world in the fog that he found himself in - get in, try not to die, repair generators, and leave. It didn’t take long for him to take the initiative and start giving input on plans of attack, earning a joking comment from the old gambler of the group that maybe he was better made for the leadership position than who was currently in employ. He tried to ignore that, for Dwight’s sake. 

 This should have been no different. Though this was his first time in the Autohaven Wreckers, loud annoyed groaning from Nea when the fog cleared was enough to make him think that this wasn’t going to be easy. After catching sight of Laurie and Dwight, the four of them split off, aiming to find generator’s around the wrecker’s yard, for efficiency’s sake. One was already powered by the time he spotted a pair of blinking lights… but between the trees, something else caught his eyes. A box, not like anything he’d seen previously, steel casing rusted, though untouched. But the box, while interesting in its own right, wasn’t what made him approach the damn thing.

 It was the monochromatic ventriloquist dummy sat on top. 

 Seeing that bastard puppet was enough to make him approach slowly, staring at the box it sat upon - it was like seeing an old friend, but one you’d want to snap the neck of. And it stared back, almost mocking him. His stomach turned. Had Gordon followed him? That had to be who this was, right? Tapp gritted his teeth, wanting to punch the damn thing off of its torture throne, but knowing that would probably alert… someone to where he was, someone he didn’t want to know. So he forced himself to tear away, fists clenched. It was like wading through water as he crouched down by a nearby generator, pulling at levers and twisting at cogs to make it sigh and whir… though that puppet never stopped looking at him. And he never stopped looking back, until-

 A loud scream made him duck behind the generator for a moment, wincing at the grinding of metal against a scrap wall, and the begging, the pleading… no one had ever reacted like that before. The curiosity was enough to make him look around the mechanical device to catch a glance of the Jigsaw killer.

He recognized her movements, and the way she carried herself almost right away, and the way he kicked himself would have made him double over. Of course Amanda was involved - the bastard broke her down, and rebuilt her in his own design. And now, she was just as much of a prisoner as he was, stuck in the fog with nothing to do but suffer at the hands of her fate. Though she took hers with pride, it seemed. She enjoyed the hunt, the chase and the kill. Was she too far gone to be saved from that which she thought had first saved her? He couldn’t entirely say. 

 The philosophical waxing had to be paused, though, as quiet, panicked whimpers made him stop, hands hovering over the generator he was about to resume repairing. He listened to the strained, weakened breathing, almost holding his own to listen. It was just in front of him, where the attack had failed. Slowly standing to his feet, the detective did what he did best - keeping his posture low as to not be spotted by the pig-headed woman, he went to investigate.

 It was Dwight, hidden behind a wall with his back pressed against it, and he was in a bad way, holding onto the space around in his collarbone, blood staining his palms as he tried to muffle his panicked That wasn’t what originally drew the detective’s attention, however, as a familiar helmet was strapped to his head, almost entirely covering his face. He felt his stomach drop.

“...Fairfield-” He kept his voice quiet, but it still startled the nervous man, who only started to panic more, it seemed. He put a hand on Dwight’s shoulder, and god, was he shaking under his grip. “Right, right, just breathe, kid.” 

Tired eyes look up at him from inside the helmet, strained and shallow breaths from hyperventilation making his chest move up and down at a worrying pace. He couldn’t say anything, he only held Tapp’s arm in place to keep him there.

“C’mon, you got this, in and out.”

Dwight soon followed instructions, taking as much care as he could to breathe, though he hiccupped and stuttered from tears every so often.

“Yeah… there you go. That’s it.” It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Tapp gave the man a gentle nod, digging into his belt for a couple of medical supplies he’d scraped together earlier in the trial. “Let’s get you up and at ‘em, yeah?”

 He calmed down enough to start panic rambling, and the way he switched from one extreme to another was almost welcome, as Tapp gently wrapped the bandaged over the deep cut from the hidden blade. Dwight spoke of before the fog, when he was alone in his shitty apartment with nothing but two birds to keep him company, barely earning enough to afford to live, but surviving by the skin of his teeth every month when the rent was due. He’d hardly slept before, but murders on your doorstep didn’t make it any better, especially since they were targeting the average man, just like him. And after an accident he conveniently skipped around, his paranoia only got worse.

“I-I saw one, once.” He stuttered, voice almost echoing through the trap on his head, as Tapp tied off the gauze.

“A murder?”

“A trap. In the open. A-and no one could do anything about it, I saw it on my way to work. The girl, she was- I… god, they just-”

“Fuckin’ Christ…”

“Yeah… yeah, that. Exactly that.” The leader gave a weak smile, moreso to comfort himself than anything else, it seemed, wincing as he rolled his shoulder. “OK… what now?”

“We’ve gotta that off you. Did she… explain the rules?”

“I… no, but I-I think I’ve got it.” Dwight started to shuffle where he was curled up, trying to get to his feet, but he was still somewhat shaky, like a newborn fawn, leaning on the wall of scrap as well as Tapp for support. He inhaled, and exhaled, breath still short. “There were… boxes, I think the key is in there.”

Of course, that made the most sense, it seemed. “Right. You start heading to one of those, and I’ll-”

 From across the yard, a generator powered on, and from where they sat, the clock started counting down. 

 That only started to send Dwight off again, eyes growing wide with fear as he looked back to the detective, who seemed equally as stunned. It seemed like she’d been busy, workshopping her craft.

As the leader started to buckle under his own weight again, Tapp grabbed onto his arm - not too hard, but just firm enough to keep him in place - and began looking around between trees for that bastard puppet that he’d seen earlier in the trial. As he tried to keep them both out of sight, he heard the stifled breathing behind him, as the leader tried to calm himself down while the two leaned around a tree, watching the Pig chase after the determined blonde in the blue shirt. He reached to grip onto Tapp’s shoulders, knuckles going white from the force, palms sweaty. Tapp put a hand on top of one, and gently tapped at it for a silent comfort. Once the killer was well distracted, he led Dwight to the first box. No luck.

 A second box, on the same side of the junkyard.  A quarter of the time gone. Nothing.

 Box three, on a hill besides the dingy old shack. Half time. Nothing.

 Now with only one box left, the leader was growing more frantic. Tapp held onto his wrist as he pulled him around the killer shack, pressing his back against the wall, his own heartbeat in his ears matching the beeping from the helmet. He looked back to the younger survivor.

“It’s just up ahead. Go.”

“She k-knows I’m- I-I’ll die, I’m going t-to-”

“I’ll cover you. Go, grab your life.” He was firm in his demand. But still, the leader didn’t move. He repeated, raising his voice a little. “Go!”

Dwight followed that order, practically stumbling over himself to leap to the box and shove his hands into it, wincing as his hands dug into needles and thorns on the inside that he couldn’t see.

And while the detective’s eye followed him, he noticed someone else following him as well, concealed in the grass, ready to pounce. He gritted his teeth, silently asking her to forgive him someday for what he was about to do (and what he had already done), before reaching down by the entrance to the old shack and grabbing a handful of pebbles. Tapp weighed these in his hand for a moment, before tossing them in her direction.

Bullseye. He heard her squeal from the hit, before growling and standing to her feet, turning in the detective’s direction, where he made no attempt to hide himself, ready to throw another rock should she choose to ignore him. “...Fancy meeting you here.”

“Could say the same to you.”

“I hadn’t realised I wasn’t the only pig that they’d let out of the slaughterhouse. I would have thrown a party for your arrival, Detective.”

The bite of her words was venomous, purposely crafted to throw him off, but he did not let it show. He still looked her in the eyes and stood his ground, until he could smell the rotting pig head she wore. “Would have appreciated it a lot more than this, Ms. Young.”

“Tell me, Detective,” Now Amanda, she was a woman of wearier disposition, broken from circumstances, but this new woman, a woman made of a pig? She thrived in the violence and the fear. That much he deducted, from the way she looked up at him, and though it was hard to see her eyes, he could almost see the fire in them. “Are you sure this is the game you want to play?”

For a moment, Tapp’s eyes fell behind her head, where Dwight had taken his hands out of the box, dripping with blood and sweat and shaking from fatigue and stress, before looking back to her. “It isn’t a game I haven’t played before. I can dance.”

 He tried to lead her some distance away from the puppet-adorned box where they leader still struggled, but the Pig was no fool, catching him by surprise in an open area with a knife to the gut, pinning him to the floor in his surprise with a wrist blade to his neck, threatening to slice it open a second time. The detective gritted his teeth, both from the pain and the strain of pushing her arm away, until he was just able to push her off of him, scrambling to his feet and blocking the entrance to the shack with the palette at the door. He took the time she was taking to break the obstacle to leave the shack, with no choice to run closer to the trap box, closer to Dwight, to a small collection of scrap metal walls, formed with another wooden palette and a window frame, which he quickly vaulted over to avoid a failed swipe.

 “Dwight!” He looked back as he ran the killer around a long wall connecting to the window, still seeing the leader digging through the box, loud beeping ever imminent. “Dwight, come on!”

The timer was so close to flatlining, and Dwight wasn’t doing too hot, panicking as he tried to find some solace in the cold metal expanse in front of him.

Tapp quickly slammed the palette down onto the killer’s head, hearing her squeal as he stood there, breath catching in his throat. “Dwight!”

He pulled his hand out of the box with a key in hand, quickly unlocking the mechanism and ripping the trap off of his head as it snapped open, surely to be his end if he’d messed up just once more. Breathing heavily, he felt along his face, blood gathering on his fingers from where the rusted teeth had dug into his cheeks, among the cuts and bruises from rummaging through the boxes to find his life. 

The detective was almost so caught up in himself that he didn’t hear the growl and the sound of the palette breaking behind him, the adrenaline kicking in to push him forward into a sprint, taking hold of Dwight again and pulling him along as the Pig gathered herself, and got back on their trail. “C’mon, time to go.”

 They were lucky to make it just in time, a failed swipe from the killer catching at their back as they ran into the fog where she couldn’t chase them. Tapp looked down, finally letting go of the younger man and placing a hand on his shoulder. “You OK?”

A breathless laugh escaped him, as he looked up to Tapp. “I- I- you- we- ...I’m alive. I’m alive!”

The detective smiled, about to say something before he was cut off from a tight hug, the younger survivor happily crying into his chest, getting snot all over the front of his vest. Tapp’s hands hovered for a moment, not entirely sure how to react, before he finally decided to just pat his back. 

“Thank you, thank you so much, thank you-”

“Hey, slow down, catch a breath.” He couldn’t help but laugh a little, though it was a lot more awkward than the few times he’d had to comfort lost kids who came into the station. Still, Dwight appreciated it regardless.

 “Well, you guys seem just fine and dandy.”

Dwight pulled himself away suddenly, looking up as he pushed up his glasses and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, as Laurie finally joined them in escaping the trial, sheepishly stepping away. “I… yeah.”

She gave the two of them a look, almost fond. “Nea said she knew where the hatch was, and while I wanted to stay to see her out here, I’m almost glad I didn’t. You’d never hear the end of it.”

“Wouldn’t put it past her.” Tapp chipped in, as the young woman nodded, flipping the flashlight she’d brought with her between two hands.

 The three of them returned to the campfire, Dwight and Laurie sharing a small conversation, taking care to almost dote on his face wounds from the trap he’d barely escaped from, while Tapp listened along. Dwight had almost recovered from the ordeal, though his voice still shook, and it made him think. They knew each other… or at least, he knew of the detective, of the traps, of the killings. How intimately was still up to debate, but the way he reacted in the trial told him that it was something that had deeply disturbed him. And while he’d never been much of a leader himself, but Dwight looked up to him, in the way a student did a teacher - protection, and guidance. Was it because of his attachment to the case? He didn’t deserve the title, or the treatment (he’d still failed, on the larger scale, of Dwight’s account of the public execution trap was to be believed), but if one person still believed in him despite his failures… then he had to get out, if only for that. 

 He needed to catch the Jigsaw killer, or whatever was left of them as a collective. For the sake of people just like Dwight.

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory (V x Reader Fanfic) Chapter Two

Author’s Notes: Holy crap, you guys are so kind! Im glad you all are enjoying this story so far! Just be warned, I’m kind of changing the timeline to days instead of hours in this. So they have time to rest and do shit. Its important to the plot ;)

Chapter 2

Upon entering the van, you realized right away that it was in fact a mobile home of sorts. On one end rested a leather couch, the area sized to be a small living space. It smelled of cigarettes and metal, yet also with a slight hint of something unmistakably feminine. A perfume or something. It felt cozy, albeit a bit messy. At that moment it was also pretty cramped. Nero moved to the front to sit by Nico while they discussed their course of action, V taking up a chair behind the driver's seat at a small table. His bird found its perch on an old jukebox off to the side, still looking pretty ruffled from his argument earlier. Did the bird and cat have names? You wanted to ask, but mister pretty boy goth was engaged in speaking to the other two about their plan of attack.

The panther settled down near V’s feet, still close enough to touch. You stared back at their piercing red eyes with silent longing. It looked so soft, and you were going stir crazy while waiting for the others to remember you were there. Gathering your courage and accepting the loss of an appendage, you slid to the floor and sat cross-legged, watching the creature’s pelt ripple warily now that you were closer. Upon further inspection, you realized the cat was a dark blue as well, although much more subtle. It growled lightly at you, ears flicking when kept looking at it hesitantly.  

V was still talking to Nero, discussing the Qlipoth roots they had to destroy. You already had the gist of what needed to be done, so you didn’t really have to listen in. You had always been easily distracted—how you had survived this long with a success rate that high you would never begin to understand. You came here to fix a problem and instead you were trying to win over a big cat, one that looked ready to bite you. You wouldn’t say you were stupid per se, but impulse control was definitely not at the top of your list of skills. Your emotions and desires often got the better of you, that was something very apparent even when you were just a human.

While the others continued to talk, you quietly summoned your Void power, murmuring a quiet incantation as you centered the ability on your palm.  

“From the Void into being.”

From that point energy glowed and weaved, creating the organic object you imagined. One of your many abilities, it was meant to be used when you had zero access to food. With the power you had, you could create something from the nothingness of the Void. That something usually just organic material like meats, fruits. If you absorbed something from a world you could easily replicate it. After going to so many worlds there were hundreds of things you could make, though the energy it took to do that depending on the item was too taxing. And it was only organic materials. Only medicines made from organic plants, only food and things of that nature. And here you were, expending energy to create fresh, raw red meat for this panther.  

Responsible, thy name is Y/N.

After you were finished, it occurred to you that the three had gone quiet. You blinked, and turned to see all of them staring at you. V looking curious and lightly bemused, the other two outright shocked.

“...Uh.” You cleared your throat, “Yeah?”

“Holy shit,” Nico whistled lightly, looking pretty excited all things considered, “How the hell did ya do that...?!”

You looked at the meat in your palm—it was even cold to the touch. Fresh, real and just as real as meat cut from an actual cow. You supposed it would be really fucking strange to people who didn’t have such an ability.

“It’s one of my skills,” You replied, holding out a piece of meat for Nero to take, “Here, touch it. It's real raw meat. I mean, I wouldn’t suggest eating it raw but...You could cook it if you had the time.”

Nero pinched the scrap between his fingers, bringing it up to his nose to sniff. You found yourself smiling at his reaction, patiently waiting as he and Nico both mulled over the meat like it was the most fascinating thing they’d seen all day. You remember being that entranced the first time you tried it, you still remembered the first item you ever made—A chocolate bar. You could still make one now if you wanted, but wasting energy was a bad idea and your dumb ass had already expended some.

“How does it work?” Nero finally questioned, handing the meat back to you and wiping a hand on his jacket.  

You fought a laugh, offering back a rueful smile, “I don’t know the specifics myself. I just know if I absorb an organic material, I can take it and remake it as many times as I want from my energy.”

He made an impressed expression, leaning on the inside door of the van, “That’s pretty damn neat.”

Before you could reply, you hear Nico let out a low hum, one full of mischief.

“Ohhh damn there, Nero. You already warming up to the new girl? Do I need to tell Kyrie?” She tsked, shaking her head as if filled with disappointment.

“Knock it off, Nico,” Nero frowned, crossing his arms over his chest and protesting indignantly, “Are you gonna say that any time I’m friendly to girls?”

“You ain’t friendly to me, pretty boy.”

“Give me somethin’ to be friendly about, you maniac.”

“Who’s Kyrie?” You interjected quickly, trying to diffuse a rising argument peeking over the horizon. And by peeking you meant inches from exploding in this small space you all were in. The pair looked at you when you questioned, and you instantly noticed Nero’s expression soften a little, just a slight difference compared to his cocky expressions you were growing to accept as normal. Clearly this person was special to him, no doubting that.

“Kyrie is his fiancé,” Nico answered for him, jabbing Nero lightly in the shoulder, “Focus, lover boy. She takes care of some kids at an orphanage in Fortuna. A total sweetheart—how she ended up with this punk none of us know.”  

She jabbed a thumb at Nero again, making him huff and release a little peeved “Hey!”

So, he wasn’t a twink?! This revelation both made sense and was vaguely disappointing. Was there a straight equivalent to a twink?

Regardless, you did have a task in mind when you summoned the meat. It occurred to you that V had said nothing during this entire exchange, and you glanced over to see him with a book opened in his hand, eyes scanning the page. Completely indifferent it would seem, which was pretty disappointing. If you were going to lose a hand to his pet cat, you at least wanted him to watch it happen, damn it. Still, you turned to look at the creature while Nero and Nico started to bicker a little bit again, completely distracted—you preferred it that way.

The cat looked at you again, nose twitching as you gingerly held out a piece of meat. A quick glance at the bird confirmed he was watching you like you were out of your god damn mind. That was pretty pleasing if you had to say so. You glanced at V again, and if you weren’t mistaken you thought he took a quick glance at you before delving back into his book.

You took in his appearance for a second--he was definitely an odd one. Long black pants, black sandals, black everything. Yet he carried himself with the energy of an old century poet longing for some lost love. Other than the fact that these two demons worked for him, he seemed pretty normal. The concept of familiars was not lost on you, many places you had seen touched on such things. Witches and warlocks often kept demons as companions and helpers, but you didn’t know if those things existed in this place.

Either way, you didn’t want to bother the goth in his musing. You instead turned to look at the bird on the jukebox, holding some meat out to him too.

“Hey, mister bird,” You quipped, “Do you and the cat have names?”

He looked surprised to be addressed by you again, and even more surprised that you seemed to be offering him food. You saw a gleam of interest in his eyes, but his feathers ruffled, stubborn and prideful as he tilted his head up.

“What’s it to you, princess?” He sneered lightly, clawed feet tapping on the glass top of the jukebox, “And no offense, I don’t wanna eat your weird magic meat!”

You sighed. That nickname again.  

“My name is Y/N,” You frowned in disappointment, “Come on I’m trying to be friendly here.”

He cackled a little, shaking out his tail feathers as the panther sniffed the air, still too wary to walk forward and take any food. You glanced at V again, expecting him to still be reading. You were instead startled when you found his dark green eyes meeting yours, a wry smile tilting his lips as you were caught in your expedition to win over his pet cat. If he was watching he might as well help you at the very least. Though you had to take pause—it had been a while since you found yourself dazed after staring at someone’s face. The guy definitely had the looks to make up for his bad fashion sense.

“Do they have names?” You asked him instead, since the bird was not cooperating at all.  

He closed his book with one hand, the soft thud very satisfying to hear.  

“They do,” He replied simply, much to the bird’s obvious annoyance, “The one you’re very determined to feed is Shadow. And the one you called ‘ten piece’ is Griffon.”

“V!” The bird, now dubbed Griffon, squawked indignantly.

He simply tilted his head, giving him an unapologetic look from underneath some long lashes. Boy, he had a smolder going on. It seemed like V was very passive and confident. His mannerisms were very strange, quiet yet carrying a sense of purpose and energy. You found yourself very fascinated in him—he was fairly mysterious to you. And you liked a good mystery. He also seemed fine with you trying to bribe his pet demons, which was always a plus in your book.

You looked at Shadow, holding out a piece of meat again as the cat twitched its nose at you.

“Come on, Shadow,” You said softly, desperately trying not to use the soft baby voice you generally used for cats. This was a demon and you were sure it was smarter than the average house cat and you didn’t want to insult it, “I swear it’s normal meat. I just wanna be friends.”

You heard Griffon snort loudly, head tilted toward you as he said mockingly, “How could you insult me at first chance but wanna be friends with the overgrown house cat?!”  

Oh jeez, he almost sounded offended. Griffon seemed pretty complicated—you had no doubts he hid behind a wall of insults and jibes to hide loneliness. You had seen it before.

“Don’t call me ‘princess’ and I won't call you ‘ten piece’,” You said with a genuine smile, offering some meat to him again while you felt V’s gaze burning into you from your right side, “Deal?”

He paused, and you swore you could hear the wheels in his head turning. You were a pretty patient person, and you could tell he was battling between pride and a million other things in that moment. You thought you heard a low chuckle from their goth master, your gaze briefly landing on him—he was leaning his head on one hand leisurely, watching to see how your little quest played out. Nico and Nero were arguing about Nero paying for his metal arms, but you couldn’t be bothered with that at that moment.

Suddenly you heard the scrape of claws, beak swooping down to quickly snatch the meat from your left hand. You smiled, incredibly pleased as you watched Griffon quickly slurp down the food you had produced as he took up his perch again. Then from your right you felt the brief brush of soft fur on your palm, a low growl sounding from Shadow as they too snatched some meat and slinked back away from you, curling around V’s legs as they chewed. You cheered internally, wiping your hands as you released a slow breath. You were easy to please it would seem—and pleased you were.

You heard V chuckle again, the man sitting forward and resting his hands on his cane as he grinned at you, eyebrow raised.

“Well now,” he remarked, tone so low and smooth it could have put you to sleep, “Don’t you look as smug as a peacock.”

You shrugged, leaning back against the couch and drawing your knees up to your chest, “It’s the little victories.”

“Oh?” He hummed in reply, fingers tapping on that cane, “An optimist are you?”

You snorted, “Maybe. I just find being happy about every little thing makes life a lot better.”

Before V could reply, Nico sat down behind you, her feet brushing against your side as she lit up what appeared to be a cigarette. You tilted her head back to look at her, wincing a little when you were met with a cloud of tobacco smoke. The sudden urge to stand and leave was pretty overwhelming, smoking was definitely not your favorite thing, as much as you liked Nico as a person. You saw V mimic your discomfort, waving a hand through the smoke to clear it away from his face.

“So, uh, Y/N,” Nico commented, blowing another cloud of smoke as she addressed you, “What other kind of funky shit can you do?”

You couldn’t really tell her your range of abilities. Not then at least, maybe later when you knew who was worth trusting. You had your limits like most creatures, but you drew energy from a strange and mysterious source—technically there was a lot you could do, but your body had limits. The power of the Void was heavy and chaotic, deeply hard to wield and a heavy burden at times. Too much at once could damage you, and you had an amount of energy you could use before you started to overextend. You’d be useless if you did so, and it damaged you physically so you avoided such things at all costs. You knew your limits; you weren’t meant to be a magic fix-all for these scenarios. Merely a guiding hand with enough energy to put the steps of fixing it into motion. Thus, why you had the foresight.

So you decided on the safest answer.

“I can provide energy and heal wounds depending on their severity,” You said, tapping your nails on your knees, “Plus I can use the energy to fight, and you already saw the creating aspect. I have a limit though, and passing that limit is dangerous for me.”

Nico let out a thoughtful noise, eyeing you with a mix of curiosity and fascination.

“So like, what are ya then?” She puffed more ash, making a perfect “o” shape with her mouth, “You seem human. Are ya half anythin’? Maybe ya got a demon daddy somewhere down the line.”

You shrugged at that, offering an apologetic smile as you replied, “Nothing that exciting. I get my powers from a deity of sorts—someone down the line probably made a deal for magic and I get the sloppy seconds from that.” Kind of a lie, kind of not. They didn’t need to know you were the one who made the deal.

“Whoa, that’s pretty cool!” Nico blinked, staring at you like you had grown horns, “Never heard of anythin’ like that before.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but was interrupted by V slowly rising to his feet. He was still waving away the smoke, brushing past you toward the door of the van as his companions followed him.

“I’ll be taking my leave now,” He said simply, offering Nero a half smile, “And If I don’t see you along the way...I’ll see you at the bottom of the Qliphoth.”

You felt a slight twinge of disappointment. You knew they were talking of splitting up earlier, but you were kind of hoping you could spend more time with the animals he kept with him. And, well...with him. He was a lot calmer and more collected than Nero, who’s heavy energy was a bit much for you if you were truly honest. As for Nico...the smoking was just too much. Brought back too many bad memories. The sensation of smoke in your face was definitely not welcome.  

You opened your mouth, unable to figure out how to ask if you could go with him. Luckily, you didn’t have to.

“V, take Y/N with you,” Nero put a hand on V’s shoulder, stopping him half out the door, “You could use the help.”

You saw V visibly pause, hesitation now showing in his frame as a couple seconds passed by.

“I assure you, I have the help I need,” He said simply, gesturing with his cane to Griffon and Shadow.

Nero crossed his arms, letting out an annoyed huff, “You’re pretty frail as it is, V. I don’t think your little bird friend can wrap a bandage and shit. You could use the healing energy and extra fire power as back up.”

There was another lengthy pause. Despite your mission here, you felt kind of guilty. You didn’t want to burden anyone or force your presence here—you had gotten the needed information, but this...You bit your lip, exchanging a glace with Nico as the silence stretched a bit longer than you liked. In theory you could have gone off on your own, did your own fighting. It would have been easier without hiding your powers, but these people made your foresight burn. They were a part of everything, at the very forefront of the conflict you were trying to fix. Whether with Nero or V, you'd still be getting the job done...but this was based on preference now.  

You nervously stood, brushing off dirt as you stepped up to address the two men.

“I don’t want to be forced on anyone,” You murmured, meeting Nero’s concerned gaze as you continued, “I’ll try to be useful where I can, but if V is uncomfortable, I—”

“Her presence is fine by me,” V interrupted you, despite how low and docile his tone was. Both you and Nero looked at him, but he met your gaze with one filled with calm curiosity, “I do have my moments of exhaustion. Nero is right, I could use a backup when that happens.”

Was that relief? Sure was. You tried not to let it show on your face.

Nero, however, released an obviously relieved sigh, “Perfect. I’m sure we’ll meet up somewhere along the way. Until then, Y/N, watch his back.”

Griffon let out an annoyed huff, raising a clawed foot at Nero’s face, “What are me and furball here for then? You don’t trust us, pretty boy?”

“Yep,” Nero replied simply, brushing past with an obviously fake smile and a pat on your shoulder, “Be safe, you two. Nico, I’ll call if I need anything.”

As you said that you felt a hand press a small piece of paper into your palm, your head turning to see Nico standing to your right now. You looked at the paper, seeing a phone number hastily scribbled there, along with Nico’s name.

“That’s my number,” She told you, tapping the paper twice, “Ya need anythin’ you find a phone and call, ya hear?”

You nodded, absorbing the paper into your palm after memorizing the number, “Thank you, Nico.” You would definitely call at some point, to see her if anything. Nico seemed friendly enough under the rough persona she projected. You liked that about her. It had been a while since you had any real friends, or friendly people to interact with. You had no idea how long you’d be there, but you were eager to savor every moment of it that you could get. So you patted Nico’s shoulder once and offered a kind smile, turning to meet V’s gaze again.

He gestured with his cane, that half smile still on his lips.

“Shall we?”

You nodded, following him and his companions out of Nico’s van. The door closed behind you, the sun still shining outside. You put up a hand to shield your eyes, but enjoyed the warmth regardless. It would have been a beautiful summer day if not for all the chaos in the world. You gave the van behind you a passing glance as you followed V away, unsure about how you felt about the whole situation. What the hell were you supposed to talk about? Would he even want to talk? Silence made you very nervous, but you didn’t want to be annoying either. You found yourself clasping your hands behind your back, taking small looks at V’s back when he walked. His shoulders were pretty broad for a guy so wiry. He had very slight muscle definition, and upon further inspection he did seem...frail.

Was he sickly? You frowned a little at the thought. He did walk with a cane, though you couldn’t tell if he had a limp or anything. His gate seemed steady, eyes fixed forward and...driven. He seemed very driven.

Or you assumed he was focused. He surprised you enough that you jumped when he spoke.

“There was always the option of staying behind,” He commented lightly, tilting that dark gaze to you with his typical wry smile. He never seemed to lose that little crooked smirk, like he was always in a state of constantly bemused. The only time he was without it was when he was reading that book.

“You seem very convinced that I wanted to stay behind,” You replied, jogging lightly to reach his side, “What’s that all about?”

He let out a light, thoughtful sound, tone light as he replied, “Merely an observation. You seemed to enjoy Nico’s company.”

You hummed quietly in response, taking in the buildings as you and V entered a part of the city still standing, albeit pretty damaged nonetheless. It looked like it would have been a nice city before the disaster. Gothic architecture with high windows, beautiful shops and what looked to be a market place in a city square. Or at least...they were beautiful once before. Now destroyed, bodies littering the streets frozen in their dying moments. You felt your heart sink as you passed them, seeing a child's form still holding a red balloon as ashes drifted from what remained of her.

Focus, the goth boy started a conversation.

“Nico is nice,” You replied after some thought, trying to shake off the images around you, “Nero is too. All three of you have been kind to me. But what can I say? I like animals and poetry.” You sighed softly, rubbing your arm as you added, “I also can’t stand cigarettes.”

He chuckled at that, tapping the book tucked away in his vest with light fingers. You took the time to observe that he had nice hands, elegant and beautiful.  

“That’s very understandable, although I am glad you find enjoyment in my musings,” He said, turning his head away once more, “It's going to be a long journey, so I’m sure you’ll be hearing a lot of it.”

You smiled lightly, running your fingers along a building as you passed by, “Can I ask about that? What’s up with the whole poetry thing?”

You saw him pause, both Griffon and Shadow stopping with him as he turned to look at you with a pondering expression.  

“...Strange,” He replied after a few moments, that half smirk coming back again, “You are the first person who asked me.”

Nero and Nico never once thought to ask? You blinked, wondering just why the hell no one had thought it was strange he just reads poetry at all times. Which, mind you, normalcy wasn’t your strong suit either, and you didn’t have a problem with his poetry reading. The more you thought about it, the more it made sense that they wouldn’t ask. From what you saw of Nero’s fighting style...he was pretty god damn extra. And Nico was not normal in the slightest. Everyone in the group was a bit quirky and odd in their own way, and you found that comforting.

“I was just curious,” You replied, scratching the back of your head, “Which, mind you, if it’s a private thing you don’t have to tell me.”

He let out a low hum, giving his cane a light twirl again.

“I find poetry clears the mind and brings focus in clarity in moments where there is none,” He still told you his reasoning, giving you a smoldering glance from under those lashes, “One could also argue a flare for the dramatic.”

Translation: He was just as extra as Nero, just in different ways.

You fought a laugh, clasping your hands behind your back as you replied, “Noted.”  

He hummed in response, starting forward again with a tap of that cane. Griffon soared behind you, landing his talons on your shoulders with a solid “oof” from you both as you stumbled a little to accommodate his weight. He wasn't light by any stretch of the word, he was a big bird. He just barely managed to settle, resting half his weight on your head as he trilled quietly and huffed.

“So, what’s your deal, Y/N?” His voice was loud in your ear, sharp talons scratching you ever so slightly, “Got all those fancy powers and shit, just wandering around a broken city? What were you doing there?”

Griffon was asking the questions you had hoped to avoid. You let out a low murmur of thought, inhaling softly through your nose as you formulated your response.

“I’m...kind of a drifter,” You decided to reply, grasping onto his clawed feet to help steady him as you walked, “I like traveling from place to place, and I like helping people. I had been looking in the ruins for anyone who may have needed help, and to see if I could figure out what was going on. In a way, it worked out." It wasn't a lie. You told yourself that.

You heard him let out a quiet “huh”, shaking out his feathers a little as his beak rested on your head. You smiled, enjoying that Griffon seemed more comfortable in your company now.  

“So, you have the gist of the situation right? Got any more questions?” He asked, tapping your head with his beak.

You winced a little, “From what I gathered...Urizen is a bad boy who did bad things and he needs a spanking in that big tree in the sky,” You pointed at the Qliphoth as you spoke, looking up at the towering behemoth with a disgusted gaze, “A guy named Dante may or may not be up there and need saving. Is that everything or am I missing something?”

Griffon snickered lightly, “Nah, that sounds about right.”

“Great. Then no, I don’t have any more questions.” That was a lie, you had several, but they were all more about personal things than the mission itself. You didn’t want to seem nosy and pry in on their business.  

You saw V smirk at you again from the corner of your eye, but by the time you turned to look he had turned away again. You frowned lightly, wishing you could even slightly begin to figure him out. He was full of mystery and intrigue, mild mannered and polite. But he also seemed easily amused, and pretty extra if you were being completely honest. He was a hard guy to read; mind you, you had only known him a few hours. You had plenty of time to figure it out, right?

You entered a small entry way tunnel of sorts, footfalls echoing as you both approached what looked to be an open back alley in the city. Griffon launched himself from your shoulders, causing you to stumble again and huff. You rubbed the skin there, feeling scratches through the think fabric of your shirt. You didn’t mind Griffon perching, but damn. His claws really did hurt. V looked at you again as Griffon glided ahead of you both, and you were sure you saw his gaze linger on the shoulders you had just rubbed. Upon further inspection you realized there was slight red on the fabric of your shirt from where griffon scratched you.

“Griffon,” He spoke, eyes meeting yours before he glanced at the bird, “Gentler.”

“Whoops, Oops, my bad,” Griffon trilled as he rounded back, seeing what V meant as he swept past you, “Girlie’s got fragile skin.”

You rolled your eyes, “I have normal skin, birdie,” You smiled again, looking at V as you said, “And don’t worry. I’m just happy he doesn’t outright dislike me.” You said that last part quieter, leaning toward V so only he could hear.

V chuckled, “Griffon is a simple creature. A mere bribe of food and he’s already on your side,” He tapped his cane along the concrete walls of the tunnel, the sound echoing hollowly in the space ahead of you, “As for you, Y/N...you don’t' really seem bothered by demons like Nero and the others.”

He was right, you weren’t. Sure, Demons were the enemy in this case and this scenario. But his companions were loyal to him, and in your travels, you had met plenty of kind demons and people who were labeled with bad stigmas. Making assumptions was bad, and you didn’t like doing that. Besides, neither of his creatures had threatened or wronged you—Griffon's taunting seemed harmless enough, and he was done with nicknames for the most part. As for Shadow, you were determined to get close enough to this cat to pet it, that's all you wanted. But V didn't need to know about that strange obsession of yours.

“I don’t make assumptions about people,” you replied, looking down at Shadow as it slinked along beside its master, “Kindness can exist in all manner of things, and your companions haven’t been outright unkind to me either. So why should I be unkind to them?” Empathy always came first before fighting—you much preferred making friends compared to outright hating literally everyone you met. Hell, some of the conflicts you had faced were resolved with just a little kindness and empathy. People would be surprised what you could accomplish if you just tried to help people.

V gave you a respectful nod at your response, a breeze traveling through the tunnel and sending his hair drifting slightly. You looked away, trying not to think about how nice that looked.  

Continuing forward, you and the group came out into the alleyway back into the sunlight. You looked around, seeing more debris and graffiti everywhere you looked. The hairs on the back of your neck started to stand up a little, foresight warning you something bad was about to occur if you kept walking. You held out a hand and grabbed V’s shoulder before you walked further, eyes scanning the area warily as that gentle breeze blew through again. Something was definitely here; you could tell that much. V looked at you, then looked around as well, gripping his cane tighter as Shadow growled and stepped forward, teeth bared and saliva dripping from its maw.

As soon as the cat entered the clearing, Demons began to appear, bubbling up from the ground and materializing into existence. The exit behind you was closed by tumbling rubble, and all other escapes blocked by...a shield of sorts? You stared in shock and confusion, sending what looked like red, magic veins and magic blocking any way out. This was a trap of sorts then. You and V exchanged a glance, and you were surprised to see he was incredibly calm, slightly bemused even. He walked forward slightly, your hand dropping from his shoulder as you warily waited to see what he would do.

Griffon swooped overhead, cackling as he said to V, “Oooh, genius says ‘be careful’! Yeah no shit, Shirley! Ain’t that right, V?” he swooped past your head, causing your hair to blow in that direction as he squawked, “I mean I know you’ve got girl wonder here now and all but you ARE still fragile, V! Wouldn’t take much to wipe you out in a sticky situation!”

You activated your Void power as he spoke, stepping up beside V as the sensation burned through the veins of your hands. You and V exchanged a look, you offering a light smile as you told him, “I’ve got your back.”

He inclined his head, giving you a small nod and twirling that silver cane.

“Excellent.”

Griffon made a noise of pain at your words, swooping by again as he continued, “Yeah well I’m just sayin’ running away is okay. It’s always okay to run away if you two aren’t up to it!”

You rose a brow, knowing damn well running away wasn’t really an option with how these demons were looking. In theory, you could use your Void powers to grab them all and yeet yourselves upward, over the shields and to somewhere safe. But these demons seemed easy enough. Squishy, one might say. The basic bitch of demons. You scrunched up your nose as one screeched at you, sending the stench of his breath your way. Yeah, that was definitely not your favorite thing.

On your left, V pulled out his book, opening it with one hand as he looked out at the demons with a half smile.

“He who desires but act not, breeds pestilence,” He read in that smooth tone, voice lilting and almost relaxing in the situation. He closed the book with a gentle thud, eyes tilting forward again as he inclined his head at the demons, “So it is written.”

You heard Griffon sigh, tone slightly exasperated as he landed on V’s outstretched arm, “Okay, Shakespeare, just remember this,” He shook out his feathers, a low growl in his tone as he continued, "You and I like to exist, so get rid of those demons quick, 'cause killin' them ain't my shtick!"  

You stifled a laugh, watching as he flew forward toward the demons, wings glowing with a bright blue mixed within the dark feathers.

“I got your back, ‘cause dyin’ is whack!” He finished his little improvised poem with a hefty cackle, Shadow stepping forward as well to punctuate it with a roar at the approaching creatures.

A second later, the battle began.

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136193/chapters/42882122#workskin

Tagged: @silentwhispofhope @just-call-me-no-name @nightshadow4713 @slightlylunatic

[rubysrevenge]

TWDG’S SURVIVAL GUIDE // OR LACK THEREOF.

This is my attempt (and late start) at NANOWRIMO, going off the TWDG drabble challenge prompt created by @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale

character(s): Mitch & Louis ship(s):Mitch/Louis (Louitch) word count: 2881 a/n: I've already been outted as Louitch trash on Tumblr, so I decided to dedicate one of these drabbles to them. It's nothing too romancy, I guess, but things are implied. Take it however you want, I guess. Anyway, I got super carried away with this one, and I don't expect any of my other "drabbles" to be quite this long, but who knows? Regardless, I hope you all enjoy!

————

3 // You Make Me Laugh.

His eyes scan across the name a second, third, and fourth time, and he contemplates ignoring the text, turning his phone off, and going back to sleep.

Mitch: u up?

Despite his first gut instinct, Louis lingers, continuing to stare at the four character text for much longer than necessary. He chews on the inside of his cheek, cursing himself as his curiosity gets the better of him.

A few more seconds pass as he tries to futilely resist the temptation to bite.

He lets out another groan before caving and bringing up his other hand to tap out a message back.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Louis: yeah, why?

Mitch is responding almost instantly and Louis feels immediate dread.

What on Earth is he about to get himself into?

READ ON AO3

He’s nearly asleep when his phone chirps and the screen lights up.

Louis’ battle with insomnia is nothing new. Often times he’ll struggle with it for weeks on end, but, being too stubborn to take anything for it, he allows himself to suffer.

So, naturally, the one night that he actually manages to start drifting off is the night when someone decides to message him.

With a groan, he groggily reaches for his phone, eyes squinting as they fight to adjust to the light of his screen. It takes him a second, but soon enough, he sees just who is messaging him this late.

12:37 AM isn’t that late, Louis realizes, but most people are at home, in bed, asleep at this time— much like Louis, himself; minus the ‘asleep’ part.

His eyes scan across the name a second, third, and fourth time, and he contemplates ignoring the text, turning his phone off, and going back to sleep.

Mitch: u up?

Despite his first gut instinct, Louis lingers, continuing to stare at the four character text for much longer than necessary. He chews on the inside of his cheek, cursing himself as his curiosity gets the better of him.

A few more seconds pass as he tries to futilely resist the temptation to bite.

He lets out another groan before caving and bringing up his other hand to tap out a message back.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Louis: yeah, why?

Mitch is responding almost instantly and Louis feels immediate dread.

What on Earth is he about to get himself into?

Mitch: got u smth Mitch: think ull like it

Now Louis’ interest is really piqued, though he hates to admit it. It’s hard to imagine Mitch getting him anything. Or, well, at one time it might’ve been. As of late, Louis has taken notice of little things here and there. Things such as Mitch messaging him more; randomly giving him things; watching him more… He doesn’t know what to make of it. It’s...odd.

Louis: do you have to show me NOW?

Mitch’s reply is immediate — ‘yes’ — followed by a cascade of others —

Mitch: so get ready Mitch: im on my way to get u

Louis just stares at his screen for a moment, like he can’t believe what he’s reading, before he’s finally typing back.

Louis: it’s almost one in the morning, mitch

Mitch: so???

Louis: SOME of us are trying to sleep

Mitch: well good thing ur already awake then huh?

Louis could strangle him, he swears. He probably would if he didn’t think he’d get his ass handed to him if he tried.

Ultimately, he knows that it’s pointless to tell Mitch no. By now, he’s already on his way over, and will be determined to get Louis out of the house one way or another.

He’s really backed into a corner here.

After a long pause, dramatic groan, and faceplant into his pillow, Louis finally, begrudgingly, responds.

Louis: alright FINE. but you better make this quick

He swears he could chuck his phone across the room when all he gets in response to that is a winky face.

Admittedly, Louis spends more time laying around than he ought to, and it isn’t until his phone is buzzing again with another text that he realizes that he’d dozed off.

He jumps up out of bed before he even reads the text informing him of Mitch’s arrival. He quickly texts back that he’ll be down in a second.

Honestly, he has half a mind just just go in his pajamas, but it’s not exactly warm outside, so he ultimately decides against it, instead, slipping on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. He practically has to force his feet into his already tied Converse, and is pulling a hoodie on over his head by the time he’s leaving his room.

Most times, Louis finds himself missing his parents with their busy work schedules, but this night in particular, he could not be more relieved by their absence. At least this way he won’t have to risk getting caught.

By the time he reaches the front door and pulls it open, he catches Mitch in the middle of sending another text, but upon seeing that Louis has finally joined him, discards it.

“About time,” he says in place of a greeting.

“What’re you doing here, Mitch?” Louis doesn’t even try to hide the tiredness in his voice.

“Well, I told you I was coming to pick you up didn’t I?”

Louis would love to wipe that ebbing smirk off his lips. He only entertains the thought for a second, however, before he comes to the shocking revelation that Mitch hadn’t driven here.

“Where’s your car?” he asks, as if that will somehow magically produce an answer he would actually want to hear.

Instead, what he gets is; “Didn’t bring it. I walked here.”

“You what?” Idly, Louis wonders if there’s a possibility that his eyes will fall out of their sockets.

“What am I, speaking French?” If Mitch is attempting to be funny, it’s not working. “I walked here, Louis.”

Louis must have a disagreeable look on his face because the next thing Mitch is asking is, “Is that gonna be a problem for you?”

“Oh, no,” Louis replies, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his tone (he blames it on the lack of sleep), “Not at all. In fact, I was actually looking forward to walking however many blocks with you while being sleep deprived and dead tired. That’s really gonna be the highlight of my night.”

Mitch rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Whatever, Smart-ass. Let’s go.”

Without waiting for a response, Mitch starts off down the street, and for a moment, Louis just stands there, bewildered.

“Wha— are you serious, right now?”

When he notices that Louis still hasn’t budged, Mitch stops and turns back to look at him.

“C’mon, Lou! It’s not that far! Just right down the road!”

Louis doesn’t believe him...but he ends up following after him anyway, and internally cursing himself in the process.

Louis takes long strides to catch up, and when he does, he easily falls into step beside Mitch.

He’s silent for a few minutes before a thought occurs to him.

“Hey, wait— I thought you said you had something for me,” he says, casting Mitch a sidelong glance.

His eyes are met with yet another smirk as Mitch winks and says, “You’ll see. It’s a surprise.”

Normally, Louis loves surprises, but coming from Mitch? He’s not so sure. An uneasy feeling swarms around in his gut the more he thinks about it.

“Can’t wait…”

By the time they reach their destination, Louis is decidedly... underwhelmed.

“This?” he asks, incredulously. “This was your ‘Big Surprise’?”

It’s an abandoned building— some old department store that appeared to have not seen any business since the eighties. Louis wasn’t sure why it was still around or why the city hadn’t had it demolished or renovated yet. He wondered how long it would continue to be around before anything was finally done about it.

“Noooot quite,” Mitch responds, simperingly, tearing Louis from his thoughts. “Follow me.”

They walk around to the back of the building where an old, ricketity looking ladder can be seen, clinging to the brick. The paint is mostly all gone, being replaced by a majority of rust, and Louis swears it looks like the thing would poof into dust at even the lightest of touches.

“Up here,” Mitch says, stepping towards said ladder.

“Wait, what—?” Louis’ eyes widen, clearly not liking this idea. It’s not that he’s scared of trespassing, per se, but more so because there’s no way in forty hells that ladder would ever pass a safety inspection. It’s a death trap waiting to happen.

Though it doesn’t seem to deter Mitch.

“You’re not gonna chicken out now, are you?” He teases, already hoisting himself up the ladder. “After you’ve already come so far?”

“No!” Louis replies defiantly. Yes, he may be tired as all hell, and yes, he might think that his chances of falling to his death on this thing is a very real possibility, but if there’s one thing he’s not, it’s a chicken.

So, without giving a second thought, he’s climbing up after Mitch, trying to go as fast and careful as he can. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t actually breathe again until he’s finally on the roof.

He takes a moment to look around.

It’s not that he’s never been on top of a roof before — he’s done plenty of things and been plenty of places that he shouldn’t — but just that he doesn’t know why they’re here.

Mitch sits close to the edge so that he can peer out at the other buildings and everything below them. Soon enough, Louis has joined him. But not before asking, “So why did you bring me here, exactly? To look at the stars? I could do that at home.”

“Just relax and take a seat, wouldja?” Mitch replies flippantly. “That’s not the only reason why I brought you here.”

Louis reluctantly takes his seat and sends Mitch a quizzical look.

“Then why—” He cuts himself off the moment he sees what at first appears to be a cigarette, but definitely isn’t. “—is that weed?!”

“Whoa, hey!” Mitch, despite not needing to, takes a quick look around before fixing Louis with a stare. “Would you keep it down?”

Louis, for once in his life, actually shuts up, just staring, wide-eyed. The look results in an exasperated sigh from Mitch.

“Hey, just— calm down. It’s not a big deal or anything, alright?” He shrugs, before tilting his head back to look up at the stars for a brief moment. “I just like to come up here to think sometimes… And smoking helps me relax. Didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal to you.”

“It’s not,” Louis clarifies quickly. “I mean— I don’t really care, I just— wasn’t expecting it.”

Mitch finally looks back over at him. “Is that right?”

“Yeah—”

“Because it seemed like it was a pretty big deal to you.”

“Well, it’s not,” Louis defends. “Like I said, I just wasn’t expecting it. In fact, I wasn’t expecting any of this. —— So what, this was your plan? Get me up here to look at the stars and watch you smoke weed?”

“Well…” This time, if Louis didn’t know any better, he’d swear that he could see a genuine smile pulling across Mitch’s lips. “No, not exactly. I mean— yeah, stargazing is bound to happen, but I wouldn’t just smoke in front of you like that…”

“Oh—”

“Without offering you some first, at least.”

“... What—?”

Contrary to what some might believe, Louis has never once smoked before. He’s been around people who have, sure, but he’s never personally smoked, himself. 

“I know people call me an asshole,” Mitch replies, “but I do have manners… Sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” Louis teases. “That’s a shocker.”

“Shut up.” Mitch reaches over to give him a light shove. “You want some or not?”

“Oh, uhhh…” Louis shrugs, pretending to mull it over, even though he already knows what he’s going to say. “I...dunno. I wasn’t really planning on it or anything.”

“Have you ever even tried it?” Mitch asks, regarding him curiously. Though, judging by Louis’ reaction earlier, he has a pretty good idea.

“Well, no—”

“It’s really not that bad,” Mitch goes on to explain. “You were complaining about not being able to sleep earlier, right? This would help with that little problem.”

As tempting as that sounds, Louis still hesitates. He doesn’t want to seem like a punk, or like weed even bothers him for that matter, because it really doesn’t. He truly means it when he says that he doesn’t care if people smoke it. His main concern is just how he, personally, will experience it.

He must take too long to give Mitch an answer, because Mitch adds, “Hey, it’s no big deal if you don’t want to. I’m not gonna force ya or anything.”

That said, he decides not to waste any more time, retrieving a lighter from his pocket and lighting the blunt.

For a few moments, Louis just watches him, eyes trained on the rings of smoke that drift from his lips as he exhales. His eyebrows pull together for a second before he finally makes his decision.

“Okay, fine. Hand it over.”

Mitch, genuinely surprised by this, glances over at him, eyebrows raised. “You sure?”

“Yeah, sure,” Louis replies. “I mean, this was a part of what you had in store for me, right? Fuck it. Might as well.”

Mitch can’t stop the beginnings of a grin from tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Hell, yeah!” he cheers, passing the joint over after one more drag.

Louis hesitates for a moment, before deciding to throw caution to the wind. He’d already come this far, anyway.

Bringing the joint up to his lips, he takes a drag, only to end up going straight into a coughing fit, much to his embarrassment, and Mitch’s amusement. 

He can feel his cheeks burn as Mitch’s laughter meets his ears and all he can do is let out a slightly strangled, “Shut up!” as he passes the joint back.

“What?” Mitch asks around a chuckle. “That was funny!”

“Was not!” Louis denies, doing his best to suppress a pout. “I’m just— still getting used to it, that’s all.”

“Wanna try again?” Mitch takes another puff and holds the joint back out to him.

Louis tries again, only to end up with the same results, unsurprisingly.

Mitch laughs again, much to Louis’ chagrin.

“Yeah, yeah— Like you’ve never coughed before.”

Mitch has. He still does sometimes, but he isn’t about to tell Louis that.

“Whatever,” he says, taking the joint back.

That’s when a thought occurs to him.

“Hold up, I’ve got an idea.”

“What?” Louis asks, voice still slightly strained from coughing.

He watches as Mitch takes another drag, holding in the smoke, and the next thing he knows, Mitch is reaching forward, grasping Louis’ face in his hand, and leaning in.

Louis, tense and stiff, unsure what what else to do, opens his mouth to question what Mitch is doing, but before he can, smoke is being blown in his face.

He still coughs a little, but it’s nothing compared to before.

Louis hates the way he can feel his cheeks tingling, and he tries to convince himself that it’s just a side-effect of the weed. It certainly has nothing to do with just how close Mitch had just gotten to his face just then. He doesn’t even like Mitch like that. Oddly matched friends is all that they are as far as Louis is concerned.

“Shotgunning,” Mitch answers Louis’ unspoken question, and the smirk tugging at his lips tells Louis that the color of his cheeks must’ve been more noticeable than he’d like.

“I think I’ll just stick to—” 

“Hey!” 

Louis swears he’s never nearly jumped out of his skin so fast. He stares, wide-eyed over the edge of the building, seeing a cop below. This is not good for many reasons — far too many to list right now — and judging by Mitch’s sudden outburst of, ‘Oh, fuck!’ he seems to share that sentiment.

“Get down from there!”

Only a beat of silence passes before the two of them jump to their feet and take off running as fast as they can.

Mitch hurries down the ladder, jumping the rest of the way down when he’s halfway. Louis scrambles after him, nearly tripping on his way down. Despite his speed, however, he goes about it much safer, rushing all the way down as cautiously as he can, rather than jump like Mitch had. It’s nearly enough to bite him in the ass, however, as the cop who’d caught them on the rooftop rounds the corner and yells out to them again.

“Hey! Stop!”

They don’t stop. In fact, they only go faster.

Apparently, Louis isn’t running fast enough though, because Mitch is reaching back to snatch up his wrist, pulling him forward in an attempt to make him move even faster. Really, it does nothing more than make Louis trip up more times than he normally would.

But they keep running.

They zip past the corner, and turn down another alleyway, bobbing and weaving until they no longer hear the cop’s voice and footsteps behind them.

They both prop themselves up against two walls of an alley, opposite each other, fighting to catch their breath. Louis notes that his lungs burn as he inhales crisp, cool air, and soon enough, much like before, he’s coughing again.

“Holy shit—!” Mitch exclaims in a gasp. “A-are you okay—?”

Louis tries to respond amidst his coughing, but he can’t.

And then… He’s laughing — much to Mitch’s surprise — a product of the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

It dies down just enough for him to blurt out, “I can’t believe you pulled me out of bed for this! This bullshit !” And then the laughter is picking up again. He can’t stop.

A bewildered grin tugs at Mitch’s lips, and he finds that Louis’ laughter is so contagious that he can’t refrain from joining in.

[flatstarcarcosa]

10-20 for you and rust or negan please!!!

i’ll do half and half!! o/ 

also putting under a cut b/c its long uwu

Negan:

What’s something you and your f/o disagree on?

we argue a lot about allocation of resources and also his ego. really dwight and i are the ones that run things behind the scenes, negan’s just the one who gets to do all the yelling. when the saviors were first becoming A Thing so to speak he was definitely in control and had the right ideas, but everything went to his head with being The ManTM and sometimes I have to try to remind him we’re supposed to be helping people, not just playing dictator. also I vehemently dislike the points system because it’s just Capitalism 2~~! and i think it’s imbalanced but I’ve yet to win that argument. 

Do either of you want matching tattoos? If so, what would you get?

negan thinks matching tats are cool, i think they’re really bad. im also not willing to risk getting sick and fucking dying off of dirty tattoo equipment no matter what everyone else is doing so that is an argument he never wins. (i personally also think he would be a big baby when it comes to getting a tattoo, since comic!negs doesn’t have any) 

Do you and your f/o like to dance together?

naaaah. i’m sure negan would go all soft for that kind of thing but neither one of us have any rhythm and i’m just not into it regardless. 

When (if) you and your f/o live together, what thing do you always have to have in the house?

toilet paper. a good portion of the odder things negan demands from people comes from him having seen me struggle (and in some cases get really sick) from not having it when it was just the two of us. he thought i was being whiny at first about the toilet paper until not always having it resulted in me getting laid out with a massive UTI  once due to the slightest less-than-sanitary conditions setting my whole system off. 

he’d rather other people think he’s a weirdo than watch me get that sick again. (he also doesn’t like me being that sick because it reminds him of lucille. he can’t do much when i’m already sick, but if he can prevent me from getting sick in the first place then he’s damn well gonna.) 

Who gets scared and calls the other to kill a spider?

MEEEEEEEE. negan doesn’t understand how the damn zombies don’t bother me but if we end up in a house that has spiders or roaches i will quite literally scream my head off. on more than one occasion he thought i was getting attacked just to find me scrambling up the nearest high surface and pointing at the bug until he does something about it. 

raid and ortho and other types of pesticides usually end up on the list of shit he expects his people to come home with. 

Rust

What’s a movie you and your f/o like to watch together?

jurrasic park. rust isn’t big on movies in general but he does enjoy a good flick about man’s hubris fucking everything up, and i for one, like dinosaurs and am gay for jeff goldblum so it works out. 

Which one of you spends the most money on the other?

rust probably by virtue of him having more money than i do. he has a steady job with CID, + lots of stashes of cash that he lifted here and there during his UC/Narco days. i on the otherhand am a “freelance” investigative journalist/photographer that likes fucking off and getting stoned. it’s a very fancy way of saying unemployed. he also doesn’t let me hustle people as much as i used to once i move in with him just because he doesn’t want to constantly be playing the “state police” card when i get into trouble because of it. 

come 2012 the situation’s kinda reversed. he blew through a lot of his money between his 8 year breakdown and subsequent obsession with solving the yellow king murder(s), and i ended up getting a stable office job because i needed that sweet, sweet health insurance. 

What animal can you and your f/o agree on being the cutest?

dogs. i also highly enjoy my pet frogs and think they’re adorable. rust insists he doesn’t like the way they look at him and that they’re clearly planning something, though he’s willing to admit the last part is probably just his paranoid tendencies. 

Who’s the best at comforting the other when they’re afraid?

we’re both pretty shit at it due to the fact that we’re on the same level of emotional incompetence. rust doesn’t admit to being afraid of anything (until his big 2012 revelation anyway) and neither do i. we just dig deeper into our maladaptive coping mechanisms and it becomes more of a question of who can pull the other one out. 

95 rust spends a lot of time pulling me out of mine, and then from 02 to 04 i spend a lot of time literally having to chase him out of his, and by 2012 im still cranky that i had to go all the way to fucking alaska to snap him out of it. we compromise for a bit and live off the grid in washington until he decides to head back to Louisiana in 2010. we both get a bit better after that, with him mentioning he’s terrified he wont be able to bring down the tuttles and their whole ass cult, and i have to make him realize that yeah, he probably wont. thats just how things are, but at the very least he can do something against them, which is better than ignoring the whole issue. he also has a lot of guilt after bringing down childress that he didn’t notice it sooner. 

“i talked to him,” is all he says sometimes. “he was right there in front of me and i had all of the information about the man with the scars and i walked away.” 

i have to remind him that at that point in 95 he didn’t have all the information and that as good of a detective as he is, he isn’t omnipotent and there’s no way he could have known the random dude on the lawn mower was the ‘green eared spaghetti monster’. 

Do you and your f/o play video games together? If so, what games?

it’s less playing together and more of rust just halfway paying attention as he works on other things. he gets into casual mobile games once they start becoming a thing, mostly puzzle games because they keep his mind occupied. a lot of times if i’m stuck on a mechanism in a game, like say the puzzles in uncharted or something similar, he’ll get exasperated with my frustration and just take the controller and figure it out for me. i get so annoyed that he can figure shit out in a game he knows nothing about in less than ten minutes after just watching me try and fail to open a hidden door a few times. 

Do you two like pineapple on pizza or no?

pineapple on pizza is DISGUSTING but rust is also not picky and will frequently eat it just to watch me gag. he’ll make direct eye contact and everything because he’s a sadistic asshole. 

also i feel like negan probably unironically loves it because he tends to have shit taste sometimes. 

[olliexsmythe]

UNFINISHED || OLITON

Notes: In which Oliver uses a title of sorts with Quinnton for the first time of his own accord and tries to adopt a more submissive role.

Warning: Some of Ollie’s thinking in this para isn’t totally healthy and at times, he ignores his own well-being. Potentially triggering.

Date: 24th January 2019

Quinnton

Quinnton was very curious as to what the hell Ollie was planning. He had gone on a jog around campus, enjoying the cool air on his skin as he did. The messages from Rory were intriguing, but he would deal with that later. He had much more important things to think about; like the fact he was falling for Ollie, that scared the shit out of him. He wasn't going to tell him, fear of scaring him off, but those emotions were there, and he didn't know what to do with them. When he finished his run, his alarm went off on his phone, and he decided that he had given Ollie enough time to set everything up. Plus, he really needed to shower. He headed back to his dorm, and opened the door, "Ollie? Baby.... It is okay for me to come in?" He opened the door to ... candles, and rose petals on the ground, confused, "Ollie...?"

Oliver

This was a shot in the dark. This date thing. The surprise thing. He wasn't completely sure of how he felt towards Quinnton yet but he knew spending time with him made him feel peaceful, relaxed; and that was the type of relationship he wanted to foster, regardless of what they ended up being. When he heard the other man's voice in the doorway, he emerged from the kitchen with an apron tied around his waist. 'Welcome back.' he grinned, watching the expressions play out on Quinnton's face. 'Did you have a good run?' he asked innocently as though nothing was happening around them.

Quinnton

Quinnton looked up to see Ollie, and smiled wide. “Did.... you do all this... for me?” He was a bit in shock. “Yeah, it was good. Need to shower.” He was still looking around, totally in shock, not sure what to say. “I.... how. Why?”

Oliver

'I didn't know the campus ban was going to be lifted when I started organising this.' he explained, crossing the room to stand in front of Quinnton. 'The last time we had a date, you took it upon yourself to cook and I thought it was about time I returned the favour.' he nodded, sliding his arms around the Dominant's neck. He caught his lips in a chaste kiss and pulled back with a smile. 'I know you like romance and I wanted to romance you a little.'

Quinnton

“That’s fair. And honestly, this is perfect. Just the two of us, in my dorm... I’d take this over a fancy date in town any day of the week.” His hand slipped around Ollie’s waist, pulling him close. “You.... are incredibly sweet.” He kissed him back, and smiled, “I am so lucky to have you in my life, Oliver Smythe.” He smirked, “so, you gonna join me in the shower?”

Oliver

'I may or may not have perfected the cooking time for dinner that would allow me to do exactly that.' he winked. He itched to touch the other man; the lust of the first time they'd hooked up still hadn't worn off even though that had been almost a month ago and he found himself wanting to be around Quinnton when he wasn't. He was reluctant to leave his hold but he stepped back and laced their fingers together so he could pull him back towards the ensuite bathroom.

Quinnton

“Of course you did.” He chuckled a bit, before he was pulled off to the bathroom. He stripped his shirt off almost immediately, tossing it to the side, and pulled off his leggings. He pulled Ollie to him, and kissed him roughly

Oliver

He made short work of riding himself of his own clothes, managing to sneak a glance as Quinnton tossed his leggings aside. He let out a groan as he was pulled back into the Dominant's embrace and he allowed himself to be kissed; he let Quinnton take complete control of the kiss. He reached his arms around his neck and revelled in the way their bodies pressed together so securely. 'I think I walk around all day wanting to feel you like this.' he moaned.

Quinnton

Q’s hands moved down to grab Ollie’s ass, firmly, pressing their bodies as close as humanly possible. He moaned into the kiss, “mmm, well you can feel me like this whenever you want, babe.” Im yours were the last two words he wanted to add to that, but he resisted. “I’m down with you touching me whenever.” He smiled against the other’s lips, before breaking away to turn in the shower. “I love feeling you close to me, Ollie... so much.”

Oliver

'Whenever, really?' he teased, stepping up behind him as he started the shower. He slid his arms around his waist and placed slow, nipping kisses between his shoulder blades. 'Because I might take that as an invitation to shamelessly put myself in your lap, or to obnoxiously grope your ass in the cafeteria.' He pressed his face against his shoulder and squeezed his arms tightly around his waist. 'Tonight's about you gorgeous okay? All you have to do is tell me what you want.'

Quinnton

Q nodded, “whenever. I don’t mind. At all.” He smiled, humming softly. “You can do whatever you want baby. I am yours to grope and sit in the lap of.” He looked at him over his shoulder, “well, I mean, the easy answer is you. But I always want you, so, not sure if that really counts.”

Oliver

He could see steam rising in the shower and he nodded his head towards it. He nudged Quinnton forward until they were both standing under the hot, steady stream of water and he turned him so they were face to face. 'You already have the easy answer.' he pointed out with a fond shake of his head. He brought his hand up to cup his cheek and smiled. 'But you get to be specific tonight okay? If there was something you wanted to try with me, the answer is yes. I trust you.' He didn't really know what he was alluding to; only that he wanted to give Q something that would make him happy.

Quinnton

Q simply smiled when he was turned, the hot water relaxing his muscles as he got lost in Ollie’s stunning green eyes. He leaned into his hand, simply... falling in love with the man in front of him. “... anything? Really? I mean, obviously respecting your limits... but... fuck I want to do so much with you, Ollie.” He licked his lips, “I just don’t know where to start.”

Oliver

He leaned in and caught Quinnton's lips in a hungry kiss. The idea of sex that wasn't strictly vanilla made him uneasy but he knew it was something Quinnton enjoyed; it made him uneasy because it wasn't something he'd explored. He wasn't opposed to kinky sex; he was only opposed to the system, a system that made him less than by chance. 'I trust you gorgeous so yeah, anything is on the table' he breathed out, rolling his hips forward to rock against him.

Quinnton

Quinnton’s breath hitched, he kissed the other back. Hands went right back to Ollie’s ass, as he hummed into the kiss. He didn’t want to make the other uncomfortable, and wanted to ease the other into kinky sex, without their marks being involved or getting in the way. “Mmm... what if...” he hummed, rolling his hips back, “I made you cum... over and over again? How’s that sound?”

Oliver

‘That sounds like I’m going to be hideously distracted throughout dinner.’ He retorted. He didn’t want to ruin the moment but the reason he gelled with Quinnton was because he could be honest. ‘It’s a little unnerving.’ He admitted. ‘I think I’d end up a bit of a mess; and not just physically.’ He laughed, trying to keep the mood relatively light. ‘I think that — sensitivity, being overwhelmed like that would put me in a very vulnerable place and that scares me. But —‘ he added immediately, holding his gaze. ‘I trust you. And I want to give you the things you want. So we can do that.’ He nodded. ‘But maybe we can talk more about it over dinner. This isn’t quite the sexy shower I had in mind. When I pictured it, one of our mouths was considerably more full.’ He teased.

Quinnton

Quinnton nodded, “that’s totally fair. We can work up to that one day maybe. I just like making you feel good.” He looked up at the other, “we can do that another day. Honestly, tonight I just want to be with you. Hell, if we could just make love all night long, I’d be incredibly happy with that. I fuck you, you fuck be. It’s passionate and sexy.” Be kissed him again, “there’s still time.”

Oliver

‘You’re misunderstanding me gorgeous.’ He pointed out, as he shifted back slightly to create space for him to get on his knees. ‘Just because it scares me doesn’t mean I don’t want to do it. You — I can be vulnerable with you. You’re safe.’ He dropped to his knees relatively gracefully given the space he was working with and immediately leaned forward to mouth against Quinnton’s hips. His fingers absently teased against his piercing and stroked along the length of his cock. ‘I suppose this means I won’t need a starter.’ He winked, glancing up at him before sucking the head of his length between his lips.

Quinnton

Q watched him drop to his knees, and groaned softly, “mmm... alright, well..  we’ll talk about it at dinner...” his eyes closed, fighting the desire to buck his hips forward, cock already rock solid for the other. “Mmm... fucking hell, Ollie... I love your mouth so much.”

Oliver

In the simplest of terms, Oliver Smythe loved oral sex. Receiving was good but he’d always preferred to give and more specifically, he loved sucking cock. He was completely shameless about the fact and even if he hadn’t said it verbally, he felt sure Quinnton had to be aware of it; especially because he was on his knees at every opportunity for the other man. He hummed; the most boastful sound he could manage as he took more of the Dominant’s length between his lips. He found a pace; quick and relentless. He didn’t need to ease himself into this and he didn’t want to.

Quinnton

Quinnton had to brace himself against the wall with one hand, the other in Ollie’s hair, gently. His moans got louder, echoing in the shower, “fucking... hell... babe. Don’t stop... of fuck you feel so fucking good!”

Oliver

This was the first time they’d had shower sex and somehow it made everything more intense. His gag reflex existed but it wasn’t giving him any bother as he swallowed around the thick cock. The weight felt familiar and comfortable on his tongue and he relished in the noises that fell from Quinnton’s lips. He pressed into his touch and brought a hand up to cup his balls. This was definitely something he wanted to push more; and Quinnton would be the person to do it with.

Quinnton

The fact that the two hadn't had shower sex yet was a little bit astounding. They'd spent so much time together, that this was insane to fathom. But, here they were, and Ollie was on his knees, causing his cock to twitch. He loved to see the other on his knees... no one sucked his cock quite as well as Ollie did. "Mmm.... baby.... Don't stop."

Oliver

He leaned forward, taking Quinnton's cock until his nose was pressed was pressed against his public bone and he physically couldn't take any more of him. He could feel the stretch and he groaned around his length; lips vibrating against the sensitive skin. He squeezed his balls a little harder, rolling them in his hand. The noises coming from his mouth were obscene. He could feel himself almost drooling as he continued to bob his head hungrily.

Quinnton

Quinnton did everything he could to keep his focus down on Ollie. Seeing him take all of his cock was.. one of the hottest things, and if he had his phone, he'd probably take a photo. His cock twitched in Ollie's mouth again, clenching his jaw to stop himself from fucking forward. "mmm... fucking.... hell... Ollie... baby..." he gripped his hair, still watching the other, "you look so fucking hot with your lips around my cock."

Oliver

In the back of his mind, the word Daddy fell from his lips every time Quinnton called him baby. He'd been thinking about it ever since they'd had a conversation about the fact that it was something Q enjoyed being called. He'd tried on occasion to use the name -- not title, but thus far he'd been unsuccessful. He closed his eyes and pulled back; the Dominant's cock leaving his lips with a wet pop. He looked up at him and flicked his tongue over his lips. 'You know, if you wanted to you could fuck my throat.' he suggested, a teasing smile on his lips. He could feel his face heat up before he spoke again. 'Daddy.' The word fell from his lips only a beat after his sentence

Quinnton

Quinnton had to admit, his cock leaving Ollie's lips made him frown, as he looked down at the other. "I always want to make sure you're okay with it before I do, because it's really hard not to do it, because your mouth feels so fucking good." He growled out, smirking, before his jaw dropped. Hearing Ollie call him Daddy triggered something in him. He pulled Ollie up to his lips, and kissed him hard, pinning him against the wall of the shower.

Oliver

'Well fuck,' he groaned, winding his arms around Quinnton's neck. 'I might have called you that sooner if I'd known you'd react like this.' He barely let himself get the sentence out before he was kissing him again; fingers twisting in the hair at the napes of his neck. 'Turns me on, when you get a little rough.' he confessed, rolling his hips forward in a bid to seek out more friction. 'It's pretty much always okay gorgeous.'

Quinnton

Normally, Q didn't quite have this reaction to the title, but this was Ollie, and Ollie had a different affect on him that others did. He growled into the kiss, feeling a bit more... primal than before. "Good to know, I'll remember that next time you're on your knees for me." He flipped Ollie around, pinning his chest to the bathroom wall, as he lined up his cock with the other's ass, "my cock needs your ass right now." He gripped his hips, before pressing his cock into Ollie, with a deep growl.

Oliver

The sound he made could only be described as animalistic. He cried out, bringing his fist to his mouth to stifle the sound. No preparation and no lube meant the feeling initially was more painful than anything else and he could feel tears build in his eyes; they mixed with the water streaming down over his body. He opened his mouth to talk but he could make any words actually leave his lips. His breath came in short, heavy pants as he desperately tried to control himself. 'Shit Q.' he managed eventually, reaching behind him with his free hand to grab his hip. 'Give me a second.'

Quinnton

Ollie knew that it was going to be rough, and probably hurt Ollie, but there was something in him that had taken over. He gripped onto Ollie's hips, panting a bit, but stopped his hips once he was all the way in. "Take... your time. I... just.. fuck, I wanted your ass so fucking bad, baby."

Oliver

He could feel his whole body heating up and he pressed his forehead against the tiles in front of him. 'You've never fucked yourself -- I don't think you know how big you feel you bastard.' he choked out but there was a laugh on his lips.  He leaned his head back against Quinnton's shoulder and turned his face so he could see him better. He was in pain and while he felt a little panic, ultimately e trusted Quinnton. 'Go slow okay.' he breathed.

Quinnton

"Mmm... probably not... But you love my big cock." He gripped Ollie's ass, still not moving, not wanting to hurt the other any more than he already had. He smiled, looking at him, "fuck, you're gorgeous, you know that?" He slowly pulled his hips out, and slowly pushed them back in, "baby.... I love your ass so much."

Oliver

Between a slow drag, or something hard and fast, he wasn't sure what would be better. He wasn't sure what would be most comfortable. 'You can have my ass whenever you want it -- Daddy.' The title wasn't necessarily something that was turning him on but it turned Quinnton on and that was his goal. The sudden and unexpected intrusion had caused him to lose his erection but he repeated a mantra in his head; ‘this is for Q.’ and so he came to the conclusion that thisone time, his pleasure didn’t matter.

Quinnton

The title made his cock twitch inside of Ollie, Quinnton let out another growl. "Mmm... fucking hell... you calling me that might actually be my new favourite thing." He nipped at Ollie's ear, still moving in and out slow, going deep every time he pushed back in. "How is it you take my cock as often as you do, and yet you're still so fucking tight?"

Oliver

'Call it a gift.' he panted out. The pain was giving way to edges of pleasure now and he allowed his eyes to fall closed so he could focus on that. With a shuddering sigh, he brought his hands up and braced them against the tile wall. He pushed his ass back out to meet the next thrust of Quinnton's cock and a whimper left his lips. 'If we're gonna eat tonight, you're gonna need to speed up gorgeous. I can take it.' It was like he could see his own limits as a line in the side and he was making a conscious decision to step over them. He didn't know if he'd regret it or how he'd feel afterwards but it was too late to take it back now.

Quinnton

Quinnton purred in Ollie's ear, as he started to kiss and bite at his neck, hands moving to grip his hips. He started to pick up speed, thrusting in a bit faster, and going as deep as he could with each thrust. He knew he wasn't going to last too long, since Ollie did half the work already, but he was going to get Ollie off before himself, he was determined.

Oliver

He was learning the maybe he didn't need to be seeking an orgasm to enjoy sex. This might not have been his first choice of how to do things but there was still enjoyment to be had in knowing he was bringing Quinnton pleasure. He clenched  as tightly as he could around him, and leaned back to feel closer. 'I want to feel you cum inside me.' he grunted, suddenly very aware that they'd forgone the use of a condom. 'Are you close gorgeous?'

Quinnton

Quinnton honestly hadn't even realized that this was the first time they'd done this. They were always careful, always making sure to be safe, but ... animalistic need took him over. His arm moved up to hold Ollie against him, as he rolled his hips inside the other. "Mmm.... I'm so close baby.... fuck..."

Oliver

'Good.' he pressed back against him, and brought his arm around his own waist, covering Quinnton's and lacing their fingers together. 'I don't think I can --' he trailed off, almost embarrassed by the fact. 'But I want you to. I really fucking want to feel you Quinnton.' he insisted, turning his face against his neck.

Quinnton

"You... you sure?" He was getting very close to that edge, but he wanted Ollie to be positive that he was okay not getting off. Q hated relationships where the top got off and the other didn't. He continued to roll his hips into the other, going deep, "I'm so close baby..."

Oliver

He clenched his ass again, and nodded before he confirmed his feelings out loud. 'I'm positive. It's okay gorgeous.' He squeezed his hand and pushed his hips back to meet every thrust. He could tell he was going to feel this for days. He was sure the other had never fucked him quite so deep before. 'Cum for me babe. I want to feel you fill me even more.' he added, a smirk on his lips.

Quinnton

"O-okay..." He was still fighting it, right now, as he arched a bit, still fucking his cock into the other.  While normally something telling him to do something didn't tend to get a reaction, Ollie saying 'cum for me' was like a switch inside of Quinnton. He pressed in deep, one last time, moaning Ollie's name, as he came, deep inside the other.

Oliver

The feeling was unfamiliar but it was something he liked. A groan left his lips and he squeezed around his cock to work him through his orgasm. ‘Oh shit. That feels — Fuck.’ He breathed. His legs were shaky and in the back of his mind, he was dreading the feeling of the other pulling out. He leaned back against him, trusting he could support him. ‘You feel good gorgeous?’ He asked.

Quinnton

Quinnton hummed, panting, smiling, "....fucking hell, I do love doing that.." He gently moved his hands up and down on Ollie's sides. "I feel... really good. But... definitely achieved the opposite of getting clean in this shower..."

Oliver

‘Good, I like making you feel good. Your voice gets different. It’s nice.’ He smiled, enjoying the way his fingers danced over his sides. ‘We still have time to rinse off.’ He assured him. He didn’t have a watch on but he was sure they couldn’t have been in the shower long enough for dinner to spoil.

Quinnton

"It does...?" He didn't exactly notice, but he was so used to his own voice, that that would make sense. "mm.... good, because... I'm a very sweaty, messy man, and want to smell and look good for our date." He leaned up and kissed Ollie softly, before slowly pulling out of him. "Mmm, I adore you."

Oliver

He couldn't hold back the whimper that escaped when Quinnton pulled out of him. He could feel the sticky white substance drip down his legs and he surprised himself by not thinking it was gross. He turned in his arms at the first opportunity and melted into the kiss, easily ignoring the throbbing in his ass. 

Quinnton

He hummed, kissing him softly, smiling against him. "Mmm... maybe next time, you can do that to me, hmm?" He teased a bit. Q grabbed his loofa to start actually cleaning himself, moving to do the same to Ollie, gently lathering the both of them up. "We're going to smell the same tonight. Love it."

Oliver

His eyes widened a little in surprise. It had happened that time because they'd both been caught up in a moment; it hadn't crossed his mind that he might get a repeat performance. 'You'd be okay with me doing that?' he asked, a grin firmly in place. He could feel his whole body relax as Q soaped him up There was something so soothing about be taken care of like this.. He wound his arms around his neck and kissed him long and slow. 'I'm so fucking attracted to you. You have no idea.'

Quinnton

He continued to gently soap up Ollie, wanting to relax him a little bit, knowing that he had been a bit rougher than usual with him. He nodded, "I would.. really love that, actually, quite a bit. Having... that one partner that I'm so close with, that we trust to do that with... it's a dream." He smiled, thinking about it, trying not to think about it too much, getting turned on again was so not a good idea. He kissed him again, holding him close, "I am so fucking attracted to you too, Ollie.."

Oliver

His echoed confession made him feel warm inside. The way he said it was different than the way Sebastian had said it and it sent endorphins through his body. That was the only reason he could think to describe why he felt so content right now. 'You're not mad that I couldn't -- finish are you?' he asked quietly, keeping his face pressed against his neck as his fingers traced shapes on the opposite shoulder.

Quinnton

Quinnton shook his head, "I'm kind of bummed that I couldn't get you there" He rubbed his back, humming softly. "It's okay... maybe after dinner I can get you there in a much more... soft and passionate way." He kissed his cheek, before grabbing shampoo, and lathering Ollie's hair. "This is... the most intimate thing I think we've ever done."

Oliver

'I'm not mad.' Quinnton hadn't asked but he felt like he ought to clarify things anyway. 'I'm not bummed out either. Pain isn't -- I don't think it's ever going to be a thing that turns me on. It was about you. You get me there all the time, trust me. I was just sore so I couldn't --' He trailed off and shook his head. 'I don't have a problem with you trying.' he grinned.  'I think it is; which is funny considering you were literally inside me minutes ago. I like this.'

Quinnton

Quinnton listened to the other speak, glad that it wasn't his fault, not entirely. Though, going very rough like that definitely didn't help, he was sure. "I'll remember that for next time, I'm sorry I went so rough, baby. I just... never expected to hear you call me that, and... fuck, it turned me on so goddamn much." He gently massaged the shampoo into Ollie's hair, "it's ... amazing. I love it. We should do this more often."

Oliver

He pulled back a little and looked up at him, his brow furrowed. 'No, don't do that. Don't apologise. You know me right? If I had wanted you to stop, I'd have told you. You took me by surprise but if I wasn't okay with what was happening, I would have told you. You don't have to worry about breaking me' The need to reassure the other was immediate and seemingly more important than any discomfort he was currently feeling. ‘I can get on board with that.’

Quinnton

“Okay... just wanted to be sure, y’know...” the way Ollie was talking... it made Q think that honestly, he’d make such a great submissive, if he ever got there. He loved to serve him, and that was a big part of it for Q. Though, he’d be happy faking it TIL he made it, if it meant having a relationship with Ollie. “Perfect. Because this is much more fun than showering alone.”

Oliver

'You can be sure, because I'm sure okay? I don't do things I don't want to do. I'll always be honest with you.' he promised, bringing his hand to rest against Quinnton's cheek. He leaned and pressed a sweet, soft kiss against his lips; allowing himself to linger there as long as possible. 'Is it okay if I leave you to finish off yourself? I don't want dinner to ruin. I'd be pissed with myself if I let it spoil now.' he confessed.

[embeknorrig]

The happiest times

Im trying to recall all the happiest moments in my life. Regardless of whether im still in touch w those who shared the memories w me. Well actually, i dont think any of them stayed.

Im starting to realize a lot about life recently and it got to the point that it hurt so much, i dont feel painful anymore. I am learning to accept the fact that my sisters, my aunt and my friends have been telling me. But i dont understand how people can cope w it so easily. Is it something already installed within their mindset, that i was missing out? Is there a manufacturing malpractice that i happen to be endowed upon? I am not sure what to think, what to accept, what would help me ease this pain.

What am I supposed to believe in now? That nothing lasts, and friends grow apart and memories are all we have? That family is the only thing we can count on and we have nothing but ourselves? That relationships are hard and no matter how much we try, its not gonna work? Despite all my prayers and tears, people who left me would not come back for me?

How am I supposed to accept this and live on? How am I supposed to trust anyone now that i know they would betray me eventually? How am I supposed to enjoy life if i know my happiness is so ephemeral and temporary? How am I supposed to work if I understand that success doesnt bring me the joy i want? What am I supposed to do? Who can answer me these questions? Who can give me the revelation of this life? Who can ease this agony i am having right now? Who?

Kenny said the more i think about it, the worse it makes me feel.

I think i just need a change. I think i have been in this environment for so long i dont see the outside world anymore. Please help me from this misery. Please liberate me from this tragedy.

[survivorkochang]

Rites of Passage

Here are Anna Janes and Tobis’ Rites of Passages!

Anna: Cullan! Aka Mercury! Man you were a trip, ok I just opened our messages because a lot has happened this game and I’m having a hard time remembering everything. AH, so I really liked Goodman and you wanted him out over Jayden and I hadn’t talked to Jayden a lot so I wasn’t down for it. Then I think you went for Mitch who was my ride or die and I wasn’t gonna have that. Then there was controversy of “who said Goodmans name!” but regardless, I think if you got further you would have been sooooo entertaining! I wish you nothing but the best and hope you continue to play orgs!

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :( 

Tobi: Hihi so actually louise and I both knew you were leaving no matter what and we just voted with you so that our relationship in BAR wasn’t affected and it didn’t really matter in the end bc I flipped anyway LOL

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :( JK but wow were you inactive lol, i mean you were in like 5 games and I’m sure Seamus forced you to play/wouldn’t let you withdraw your app so thats probably why LMAO uhh yeah i’m glad you were inactive because you scare me and i think we totally would have butt heads. Your vote out was pretty simple because tobi had got screwed over by his OG tribe and was looking to come over to my side, and you weren’t there so it was really easy. You’re an icon and i’m sure if you were active you would have easily made merge

Tobi: Hey sistur yes I did throw you under the bus and I apologize because it was either you or me and I didn’t want to leave so ya hope ur doing okay tho <3 icon

Anna: oh goodman, how i adored you. It was so obvious this was your first game and i really wanted to just tuck you under my wing and bring you to the end with me LOL but i think you had a hard time keeping secrets…. Like you told Frankie about the plan to blindside him and leave him out of the 2 tribal fiasco and i was like GOODMAN WTPPP but you were so sweet and genuine with me. I think once you get a hand on these orgs you’ll totally be able to rock them out! 

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: a LEGENDARY MESS wow, so like i don't know where to start, it was so funny because we hadn’t even had a conversation yet and you created an alliance with me nicole and mitch. I would like to THANK YOU for starting that alliance because with that, came the me/mitch and nicole alliance that lasted LITERALLY all the way to like f7. But the way you talked to me in the alliances was just very demanding and made me feel icky. I don't rly love being told what to do and in these games i will pretend like i’m following the orders of the people who are doing the demanding just to like boost their ego but in reality im just gonna do my own thing and do whats best for me. The minute u were like really demanding towards me was when i was like ok yeah this isnt gonna work. I like alliances to be a team effort and everyone can speak their mind and do what they want and idkkk it just wasn’t that in ours which is why i flipped on you. You’re truly an icon though!!

Tobi: Okay like noah fence but like you didn’t save me during that f14 tribal I saved myself by my own efforts and u kinda just tried to use that as leverage LMAO but I appreciate ur somewhat help <3

Anna:  Jayden! So you were an easy vote out at this point because it was 3-3 i believe, so it was me u and nicole. Zach was very controlling and i was doing the thing where i like pretend to listen to demands. I knew you were an easy vote out and you leaving wouldn’t impact my game later on so i allowed zach to pick you off. I knew that voting with zach would give me some trust with him so i figured why not, IM SORRY LOL but ya that's why i let you go. You’re a super cool guy and i had a lot of fun during the endurance challenge

Tobi: We didn’t get to talk much but you seemed really sweet and like I hope you’re doing good!!

Anna: oh BOY. first of all you were ROBBED of jury and that is terrible, the hosts should be shunned for that because that was gross. But zach, i enjoyed every conversation we had and you are SO charming. Unfortunately i could see right through it all because i've played too many of these games. I’ve also played with ppl like you so i know how you function LOL omg that sounds mean but like, you were playing like someone who needed control and needed people in his pockets and the way you did that was charming them and being very on top of it all. Does that make sense? The minute we had one world and i could talk to agus he said “zach is controlling my tribe, he has dylan/bo and jones in his pocket” i was like okay i understand. I had to allow myself to seem like someone who was less than you so that you didn’t see me as like a bigger threat than you. So i did that, i voted jayden out. I pretended to give you idol guesses etc. i couldn’t give you all of my trust because i knew that we could NEVER work out together. You were the leader of your tribe and i could be seen as the leader of mine. So if we had gotten any further together, it would have been an all out WAR like could you imagine??? AND i had an idol and SO DID YOU like we were going to go head to head at some point. So when the move presented itself i knew i had to take it so that i could gain the trust of the people that were in your pocket and remove a huge threat to my game. You leaving was so beneficial to me omg, i got jones as an ally from it! But anyway, my gosh are you a great player and i don't think i got to ask about your org history but there is NO way you havent won a game before. You are strong and well spoken and again SO CHARMING like well done, i’m sorry i had to blindside u lol but jones told me about your idol and she told me that you were catching on to me and like wanting nicole out so i was like it is time!! I hope ur doing well and i wish 1 day i could be as cool as u tbh

Tobi: Oh Zach, sorry for playing you as hard as I did but I was planning it ever since you and dylan lied to me at the double tribal thing and I reveled in getting revenge hehe…  I flipped wayyyy back at f14 and started to plan to take you and dylan out ever since then and it worked hehe but you’re definitely a cool guy and we had some awesome convos it was just a shame that the double tribal went the way it did but alas it was fun!

Anna:  :( i don’t know what to say. I was very transparent and honest about your vote out because you are such an awesome person and i value you very much. I do think if you weren’t taken out at this point, it would have been bad for me. I think u had allies in places i didn’t even know about and you are very strategic and just a smart person. Im gonna be honest though and say the main like nail in your coffin was the way jones was pushing me off of you, so in these games its important to separate relationships and like not be obvious about who you DON’T want out. Which is why i dont think many people knew mitch was my ride or die. Maybe because no one really wanted him out so i didnt have the opportunity to campaign for him? But the way jones was campaigning for you to stay was very very intense and made it very obvious that if you had stayed, i would be second in jones’ mind. So voting you out allowed me to become super close to jones and allow her to rely on me more than she would have if you had stayed. I guess you could credit jones for your vote out LMAO because like at first i was fine with going for bo over you because we are friends and i adored you but then jones was like crying and freaking out over you leaving so i was like yaaaaaaaaa sorry friend

Tobi: Ok hi so like we had like one conversation the entire season and you didn’t bother to message me back so that’s on you…  Anyway like if you read zach’s rop you’d know the reason that I flipped was because both of you lied and expected me to be okay with it (which i obviously wasn’t then yall got merge boots lmao) and on TOP of that you throw me under the bus to louise who was the only person i could have a sense of trust with at the f14 tribal… like you reap what you sow sis idk what else to say bc that combination of actions really set me on a mission to take you and zach out xo

Anna: BO!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW you were honestly one of my favorite people in this game because you were so entertaining holy shit like the definition of a messy player, if they have a messy player season than wow are you ON IT. so your vote out was really funny because i was moving into my apartment so i was NOT online. I actually thought there was a chance that i could get voted out at that point. So the whole time i was like yes we can go for david its fine lets do it no problem. I had the votes and it was going to work out but THAN YOU OPENED YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You literally went and told david that i was gonna vote him YOU SENT A QUOTE! So then ofc i flipped the switch back onto you and it was no problem but oh my gosh if you had just not gone and told david the plan you wouldn’t have gone home! That move 100% was the reason you received my vote, i hope u play more games because you’re such a character and i had a lot of fun playing with you even though you made me want to rip my hair out at some points

Tobi: You’re a sweet kid and you did good for your first org but you also shot yourself in the foot at your vote out… like literally you weren’t the one who was supposed to go… david was but you HAD to tell david about it which made zero sense considering that vote was between you and david lol… but i dont really hold it against you since im sure you were trying your best hehe!! Hope you’re doing good and you play in more orgs!

Anna: i would like to thank u for ruining my potential perfect game (im writing this before FIC so hence potential) r u d e. BUT my love for you extends so far it could reach where you live and come back to where i live and go back and forth 20834324320842 times. You have been a close friend of mine since JPORG but unfortunately this game we just weren’t on the same side of the tracks. And unfortunately, my side had more people lol but yeah your vote out was simple. We went into that challenge knowing that if you lost, you would go home. If you had won, david would go home. I was lowkey really nervous when you started to like pitch against me lol but i really knew that 1 of the people on my side would tell me so i could idol so i wasn’t like waste my idol nervous if you know what i mean. But i adore you, you’re a scary player and the minute i saw your name on the cast reveal i thought “oh no” because you play like i do, you aren’t afraid to be the big dog and you aren’t afraid to make the moves you need to make when you need to make them. I could sing your praises for days Agustin and you know that.

Tobi: Yoo like i liked talking to you and all and we were on the same page for a lot of the season BUT in my plans to get revenge on zach and dylan i aligned with a group that sadly didn’t include you in it but yeah it was really fun playing with you and omg i LOVED when you called me out in tribal like that was so fun and i really enjoyed it!!

Anna: david, david, david. Your vote out was the craziest and most intense tribal of the game for me. It opened my eyes to so much and allowed me to really dig deep and see what i had to do to get further. So we connected since the beginning and i made sure to watch out for you BUT i saw you as a threat. I saw you as someone who could beat me at challenges and i knew from the beginning of merge that i had to pick off the people that could stop me from winning mandatory immunities. So with that in my head AND the thought that you would be the first to flip on me in the u/me/mitch/tobi/nicole alliance, i knew that you had to go sooner than later. So you found out about nicoles idol and jones and tobi both told me. And then you WOULDN’T tell me who told you about the idol so i went to mitch and was like “hey david told me you told him about my and nicoles idol” even though you didn’t just so i could bait him. It worked, he admitted it. THAT MOMENT WAS CRUCIAL TO EVERYTHING OH MY GOD but yeah i knew that tobi and jones were with me and tobi did NOT benefit at all by voting out nicole. Thats what i dont think a lot of people understood, ya’ll kept trying to pick nicole off to get at me but tobi’s only win con was sitting next to nicole……. So thats how i knew he wasn’t going to do that all the times ya’ll tried it. But yeah, i told you i was voting you out and you know i adore you as a person. I think you’re a bomb ass player and you def gave me a run for my money lol

Tobi: Hey bud so like i know i played you and mitch pretty hard at your vote out and like it was absolutely nothing personal but it was kinda obvious that you and mitch were closer to together than you were to me so like working with you two wasnt super optimal for me and like taking you out helped me achieve a few things like taking out a challenge threat and it threw mitch under the bus which let me last another 2 rounds so like ya that was my thought process behind it and I hope you’re doing well 

Anna: mitch. My GOD did you play me good. You were in my DMs saying how you want me to win and you are so dyingly loyal and blah blah AND THEN YOU FLIPPED ON ME BUT NOT ONLY DID YOU FLIP ON ME BUT YOU FLIPPED ON MY TOOOOOO EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh, 

i think of all the ppl that were like GET ANNA OUT GET ANNA OUT u were the person who i think could do it. But regardless, you were my person in this game. Like yes nicole was too but nicole wasn’t online enough to rly RLY be my person that i strategize with and talk to all the time. Like i told you all of my plans and we made moves together. I would NEVER say you were in my pocket and i can honestly say sitting at f3 that i don��t think you were. We were a team and we made moves together. We made plans together, we got the idols together. You and me did this together and i will never take that for granted. I had SO MUCH FUN playing with you mitch and becoming FRIENDS with you and really getting to know you. Our friendship is something i will take away from this game and i am so happy about that. You’re a bad ass mitch, thank you for playing this game by my side

Tobi: Lord like honestly our relationship is so rocky KJHLKJ like im gonna be real and say like I lied maybe a lil too much BUT it was for strategic reasons and letting david go and letting you take the hit for it really let me get through a few rounds with one move and like I also apologize about your own vote out like okay honestly i was already pretty leaning towards voting you out already but then when aj told me you wanted to vote me out (a plan which neither you or jones told me about) really sealed the deal and like i also was in a peculiar situation because nicole is the only person I have a real chance of beating in that f5 so it would've been really dumb for me to vote her out so yeah okay like i always feel like i wanna work with you but our plans never seem to work with each other KJHLKJ but i definitely hope we can work together if we meet each other again!!

Anna: jones, im getting exhausted writing all these but i really want to like be genuine and honest in all of them so here we go, I adore u wow, u are such an honest genuine soul that i know is seriously going to do amazing things in orgs and just life in general. Like i told you, you remind me of myself when i first started playing (which is a good and a bad thing LOL) but you are intense, you are confident in your game, and you are powerful. You should be proud of the way you played and excited for the games you play in the future. Your vote out was actually wild because at no point at all was i ever considering voting tobi out. So you were FLOODING me with messages, emotional intense messages that made me want to rip my hair out. Because you were telling me you weren’t gonna vote tobi, and then you were, and then you weren’t again and i was so confused because your ONLY argument with me was voting tobi out because i told you i was never ever going to vote nicole. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE WANTED TO VOTE OUT NICOLE FOR SO MANY REASONS. But thats neither here nor there lol but yeah you were very aggressive and i was sooo taken back by it. It pretty much solidified my vote for you because tobi wasn’t begging for his life lol which like shows me that YOU were going to fuckin woop my ass at FIC and give the same amount of effort that im about to give to it, like girl you did the logic puzzle for 3 HOURS!!! you just dont give up. You would have fought tooth and nail to wipe the floor with me at that FIC and you cant deny that! But yeah, the begging and the emotional messages def helped ensure me voting for you. AND THEN FUCKIN NICOLE WASNT ONLINE. So this is actually wild what i did here and im sorry in advance but she wasn’t on and i knew me and tobi were voting you so i went to you and was like yo…. Tobi doesn’t have any votes against him you should make him join the votes club OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND YOU SAID YES SO MY LITTLE DEVIL BRAIN WAS LIKE YES BITCH 2-1-1, if you voted nicole it would have been fire making and nicole would have possibly lost. It was genius, it was cruel and i am sorry but i had to do it……… tobi knew too!!!! Ok im tired this was dumb i hate ROP, i adore you, you’re gonna kill muxloe but my one little snippet of advice is to NOT invest yourself into these games in an unhealthy way. I know this from experience because when i first got 4th my first game i SOBBED, the second time i got 4th I SOBBED the first time i got 2nd I SOBBED the second time i got 2nd I SOBBED and like when i say sobbed i mean it tore me up and i was mad and sad and just hurt emotionally so i GET IT. i get it, but its not good for your health!!!! Like once i learned to stop playing like that it helped me soooo much (it took me literally until this game sooooooooooooooooooooo im trash but still) I LOVE U JONESY GUACEY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tobi: Ahhh jones you were honestly a joy to talk to and like I really enjoyed working with you!! Especially on that vote where we successfully flushed nicole’s idol which was honestly like 200iq stuff KLJHKJ and I feel like I came into f5/f4 being like the second least likely person to win with you and AJ being the most likely to win so at f4 the pressure was really on me because it was a choice of definitely making final tribal council but probably losing or having to work so much harder to make final tribal council but also having a real chance to win… and in the end i did what was best for my  game and i’m glad you understood that… but highkey i felt so bad that you voted for me bc if you voted for nicole you legit would’ve put firemaking into play KJHSDF but anyways it was really nice getting to meet you and know you hehe

Anna: I love u with my whole heart and I hope ur okay, I had to write this very fast so I can’t write it how I want to but just know I’m so appreciative of you and am glad I got to know you through this game

Tobi: hihi so like i really do appreciate everything we've done here together and like i really enjoyed our talks and stuff but you just went inactive (for personal reasons which i understand) but like you getting removed at f3 completely fucked over my game LKJHDSLFKJHA but like all that's really important is that you take care of your own stuff okay hehe luv u beecole <#

[survivorelara]

Episode #7: “Bon Appetite Bitch” - Dani

Merge time baby, this is where the game starts. My first job is to figure out who flipped in that last tribal, I'm betting on Loris, but if it's John I'd probably understand as well. Regardless it's disappointing because as far as "OG Tribe Lines" it's now 5v5v2, which sucks.

I think I've likely got an ok position at the moment, the real move is trying to make sure I've got an in with a lot of people, and to make sure I find myself in the majority.

Here's hoping my first tribal council doesn't turn out to be my last due to social misplays.

We merged woo, my streak of never dying premerge continues :D. However, it does feel like an early merge. There's still 12 people left, I have a strong feeling someone ain't gonna make the jury... 👀

I just noticed im the only Aquarius left woot woot. Game wise, hello, it's merge. I'm finally messaging  people, introducing myself and what not. I'll check in later to list all of the people that don't like me, but for now let's go into this hoping that I'm charismatic

Ok sooooo...... tribal did NOT go as planned but it still was good because I could’ve gone easily but drew t saved my ass because I saved his last week. we love good karma. Roxy literally forgived me without asking her to and we have merged so I don’t feel that at risk anymore. :) I just gotta keep talking to everyone so my name doesn’t get raised.

oh lord. You know idk what I’m gonna do yet Because I don’t want to work with pre friends but i don’t necessarily like my tribe either So that leaves me with loris Idk I’ll figure it out

For now, I'll do a hot or not and comments Roxy- NOT. I have to talk to her almost continuously or else she'll think we aren't allies and vote me out. (not that we are allies rn but still) Ci'ere- DECENT. He's nice but replies are sporadic and idk if he wants to work with me. Loris- HOT AS FUCK. my #1 right now, he's p cool <3 John - STEAMING? He is so nice and so cute but he seems close to purple drew. Purple Drew - LUKE WARM. Love the dude, but I am semi trying to avoid pre game friendships. Little Mix Drew- STRAIGHT FIRE. only bc of LM. in reality, more SEMI WARM. it may turn out that each side has a little mix supporter? Drachus - WHO TF KNOWS. I cannot tell if this man is playing me or not. He tells me he can't vote him out, but is that true? We havent been to tribal and he seems to be lying to me about how much he knows. If he really doesnt know all that... he seems like someone I can maybe work with. We've been loyal to the end for each other before. Just keep in mind- I'm not playing for 8th. Emma- queen? She's inactive but a great number for me. We tell each other stuff and she's just precious. Kori- challenge threat, and someone who I want to be my shield. Dani- shes so inactive bruh like what even Dylan- also inactive.

so its 5 revati, 4 auva, 3 zosma. Zosma and Auva have 2 a piece of people who I loved pregame and would consider working with. So who knows? I have a double majority, so lets not be surprised when I'm first out.

Well, I THINK I'm in an ok-ish spot. I've talked with a LOT of people, IDEALLY the next one gone is Sam just so that I can get Dani more on my side and make it clear that I wanna work with her.

I'm a little salty Altager didn't beat the basic tribe name of Orion... but I'll get over it... eventually...

In other news, I ate a burger today... it was adequate.

MERGE BABIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm elated to make the merge AND get to name the tribe! Like that's fucking sickening! I'm excited to see what the merge holds for me because that was a rocky pre-merge phase. Like obviously I wasted my idol, blah blah. And like I was an emotional mess like the entire way through. It sucks being the one that has to blindside people and like break hearts- but in the end, that's the way it is. I just love that I'm getting to play IN THE MERGE. Like I rarely ever do that because I am too much of a physical threat (in most ORGs) to be allowed into the merge. So I'm super glad that I get to play in the merge and I just have to put myself in a mindset where I can be carefree and not let the stress of the pre-merge weigh me down!

Well, The challenge went pretty well I think, not sure if I won or not though, we'll see.

I'm getting frustrated with Ci'ere though. Everytime we talk they take hours to respond, even when they initiate the conversation, and I respond within 4 minutes. My patience is definitely getting tested.

Well, I didn't win the challenge, I was closeish, got all the right constellations. I just kinda, didn't math correctly in calculating my Tiebreaker number... not sure what I even did to reach that number anymore.

Regardless, I just gotta keep the target off of me, get a feel for what others are thinking, and go from there. Ideally Sam or Ci'ere since Dylan who I'm still not a fan of won.

Ci'ere has been making a bit more effort with me, which has me a bit suspicious, so Sam is ideal just to make it clear to Dani that I DO wanna work with her.

What do people do when they merge? Like this concept is so foreign to me that this laziness is actually nice. Its peaceful and serene. Like my god. If this is the case, why the fuck do I not try to make the merge more often? Honestly, this revelation is so beautiful, I may ugly cry just thinking about it!

ok no offense but the conflict between dani and ci'ere seems literally so beyond fake i can't even comprehend it. maybe im wrong but like it feels so planned, like dan's funeral or smth.

also ci'ere just like formally asked to work with me which was really sweet so hi. they also spilled some tea about roxy/drew/drew2.0 and how theyve been working together without me so. yoinks. glad i won immunity because i wouldve been so lost

Man i'm finna make that bitch dani leave, im working my ass off to save ciere and get her outta here since she's HELLBENT on getting us out. No no, you don't do that. Hope you enjoy merge boot and hopefully just missing out on jury :)

So yeah, the main name floating around has been ci'ere. But the thing is, I've been talking with people and dani seems disposable to a lot of people. So i'm tryna convince the people i'm close with to vote her out instead of ci'ere. Because here's the thing, if dani survives until next vote and ci'ere leaves, she's going to be after me. What i'm saying to my crew is that if ci'ere survives, he'll be with us while dani isn't close with like anyone, she just talks to throw names out cuz she sucks at this game. so like, if people really want ci'ere out, it'd be so much easier to simply blindside him next vote if we wanted, because he'd feel so safe. Esp since im 95% sure one of those 2 have an idol, so i'm gonna try my best to either flush it from ci'ere, or blindside the fuck outta dani sending her home packing with it

suprise bitches after a boring pre merge i am actually playing the game i just need to see which side everyone is on i may use my idol to have my side be on control i could probably be first merge boot before i play yikes! also me and loris are powerful... he has the legacy advantage his mind omg

I hate this cast. Yell at me for a short confessional if ya gotta.

Deadass probably setting myself up for failure this vote with going after dani so hard but fuck it idc, didn't have a chance to get rid of her after louise had left and she told toby to get the fuck outta here, and now I do and she's going and hopefully joins him in the vl :) toby this one's for you homie, miss ya lots <3

W e l l, things have went left here at the Orion camp 😄 I woke up to Andrea & Loris letting me know that Auva 2.0 was after me & that I should play an idol if I had one. Apparently the Auvacados are getting bad vibes from me? However, Dani was the one that made a move against y’all so why am I getting getting ya knickers in a bunch? I previously started laying down the groundwork to have people turn on Miss Dani, but I decided to toss that plan out the window. Last night, Loris told me that John Coffey was the Revati that flipped last round and it’s because he’s friends with Drew H. I’m certain that the Drews, Roxy, & John have an alliance that finalized right before the merge. So that needs to be broken up right away. I went to Dylan, an OG Auva, to let him know that his old tribemates said he was on the outs and they made an alliance with Louise, Dani, & I. He seems to be interested in voting with me, and if he isn’t, then he’s a flop.

Sam called me “babe” earlier & I really cannot with this flirting strategy, but I’m not opposed to it! I guess I would consider him my final 2, but I’d say he’s playing well so I might need to cut him before that hehe.

I don’t like this back and forth running around nonsense, so I’m laying it all out on the table. I exposed the Auvacado 2.0 alliance. I hinted that I have an idol that I really don’t want to use, but I probably will just in case they think I’m bluffing & people don’t target me in the future for it. Apparently this caused people to start scrambling which I’ll have you know is my favorite type of egg. Deviled eggs are good af too 😈

Sam says that we shouldn’t go for Roxy because he has an in with Drew T. & that we should keep Dani the target because she threw out our name. Dani says that John & Kori threw out my name to her. Do I believe her? Not exactly. In the tribe chat when I asked Dani to vote for Roxy, she says that she likes her & would rather do someone else. This is a mess. So right now it’s looking like myself, Sam, Andrea, Loris, Emma, Dylan & Drew T.?

Why is everyone always going after me what the shit. Its drew t and h fault im like their fuckin scategost I jk I love them but im so annoyed why is the fall out if the shit theyfor do, gets blamed on ne when I havent dine anything loll fuck off

I love u drews tho

I knew going into the merge that I wanted Ciere out sooner rather than later; and when an alliance with Dani and kori was formed I thought I’d be able to get him out right away. Dylan won immunity which is awesome because he’s easily my favorite right now. Idk what it is about him but we just vibe really well right now. I’m not sure where I stand with old revati other than kori who asked me to be his final 2 the other day. I’m a wannabe puppet master and nobody was taking my bait to vote ciere. Well it seemed like they were until little rat decides to announce that I had an alliance with the Drew’s and Roxy. I went telling everyone the chat is barely even active and we voted together once. As of now the majority is seeming to want Dani and Kori isn’t answering aoooo idk who I’m voting for I kinda still want to do ciere cause I swore to Dani I wouldn’t vote for her, but I also don’t like her attitude all that much tonight. Same old Dani from unifinished business, but I actually was going to have her back. I’m a mess!!!!!!!!111

WELL BITCH I MIGHT BE GOING. These motherfuckers REALLY want me gone huh? WELL IM NOT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT. Roxy will rue this day. ROXY WILL RUE IT. She just fucked over her whole damn alliance.

Dani is voted out 9-2-1.

[morningpages-louise]

July 18, 2018

Hello hello hello it is july 18 2018 today and what a beautiful and gloomy day hehehe i am currently in my condo atm the lights are closed because after a while the flourescent light hurts my eyes my eyes are quite sensitive and they get tired easily.. so yeah i woke up quite early today kasi i thought i was gonna go yoga eh pero turns out well it is very hard to get a grab when it is raining lolz so yeah the thought just occured to me to make a habit tracker to track my efforts in establishing my daily routine. dude i feel like i have my gear back in motion uy i feel hella productive nowadays and theres like this drive and fire inside of me pushing me back to the state and place ive always found myself. i personally love it. it's 9:29 am on a wednesday and ive already accomplished all the school work for today. yesterday was just as productive. now all i have to do are non school related home work which is so great. ive downloaded some new ebooks too which i cant wait to read! life is good. ive got my grind back. im also gonna go yoga later at 12. i am living my best life yall HAHAHA but really i am a happy bean. i can't believe were halfway through the year na like whut so fast man but i feel like ive grown a lot, and there's only more growth from here dba? i am excited to see the person i eventually will bloom into at the end of the year. I am happy and i feel blessed and grateful to be surrounded by love and compassion and good energy <3 i am also stirring up my own energy and aura and i hope its a good one hehe so what will i do today after my yoga? hmm idk it really depends on ger if she wants to catch up pero im willing naman to do anything since i got the time HAHAHA but i will not abuse it! it's so easy to slip into unproductiveness when you have time to waste. no i will go home, stir up a coffee (perhaps my 3rd cup of the day) and start working on the requirements due for the Philippine primer homework. i am quite excited to be honest because well wa lang i guess it will test my creativity. even if i do not get the job, i feel like i can learn from it and if ever i apply for a job and they ask for a similar approval process i already have experience with it dba? so yeah besides regardless if i get the job or not, it has its own benefits lol the benefits of me getting the job are that well i have a job and potentially money lol and most importantly i gain experience and exposure. now if i dont get the job, the benefits i get are more time for myself LOL  but for real, more time for walwals and stuff hahahaha so yeah i am feeling quite tired now the coffee is wearing off. this week has been super duper chill since im basically only going to have 2 days of school <3 gotta love the rain. ugh i love this song playing now by tom misch i think it's cinema? not sure shit amazing and soulful. i am also looking forward to watching youtube videos afterwards this post lol the simple pleasures in life. i am just happy. i am in a good place and i am thankful for these past 2 days cause i wasnt very productive i the weekend to start with you know :) live in the moment. i have to constantly remind myself of that. ah i just found out the song lol its movie, close enough lol pero anyways yeah i feel like lately ive been either living in the future (always worrying and being anxious for the things I have yet to do) or living in the past (nostalgia, dwelling in the past) i think what i need to learn to do talaga is live in the present you know. enjoy. revel in the beauty of the present. life is too short. cliche shit but true as hell and i have to constantly remind myself of that. so yeah the remaining things i have yet to do in my daily routine are podcasts+news+meditation. i have a meditation waiting for me concerning the eclipse. cant wait to try it. after this post, im gonna take a nap. i feel my eyelids closing on me. cge toodaloo and see ya tomorrow or something.

[belandjake-blog]

this is very long but it felt important...

Dear Jake,

I’m currently on a 2 hour bus ride to kochi from the airport and I’ve been reading “the art of travel by Alain de Botton. It is truly an incredible book and I think you would very much enjoy it.

The chapter I last finished inspired me to write you. I’ve been feeling conflicted about the idea of exclusivity for a number of reasons. Earlier I was writing I’m my diary about it and how my desire for it may at times be born from the wrong place. How me asking you to say goodbye to someone feels so wrong. because I want you and I want to be with you and I have certainly never before felt for anyone what I feel for you…but I can’t help but feel like I must retain the perspective of not trying to control you. I must internalize the idea that true love is born out of total freedom… From the mindset that you  and I could be with anyone without judging one another but we choose to just be with each other regardless of our permissions, because it is a loyalty born within ourselves to each other, not from each other’s attempt to control one another….and if we aren’t totally loyal then this is still great, just not the same thing that I romanticize it being.

What if we were to stop only wanting each other?Then I guess that would mean it wasn’t right after all - and in that case aren’t you also afraid for believing that this is SO right?

At the same time, if we are open and with other people will it create distance or lessen our connection to one another? I’m not sure. Maybe not. I was going to tell you to forget all of the pressure, to forget saying goodbye to Ruby, that we should really just remain open and let go of any notions of control, because I want to be able to love and accept you and the choices you make, but I could only do that if I have other distractions to validate me when your actions don’t… Because maybe it’s easier to call it quits before it even has a chance to blossom and weather the storm.

But then I start reading this beautiful chapter and Botton talks about the importance of traveling outside of the city and about the poet Wordsworth. Wordsworth believed that "cities foster a family of life-destroying emotions: anxiety about our position in the social hierarchy, envy at success of others, pride and a desire to shine in the eyes of strangers. ” he thought that city dwellers had no perspective and that “however well provided for, they had a relentless desire for new things which they did not genuinely lack and on which their happiness did not depend. And in this crowded, anxious sphere,it seemed so much harder than it did on an isolated homestead to begin sincere and happy relationships with others.”

So that paragraph hit me hard because what he’s saying is that in the natural world we revel in the magic and love ourselves and others too and feel satisfied. We’re capable of loving unconditionally by choice because those negative emotions are gone and we stop trying to outdo our happiness when it’s already there and sustainable. We don’t compare ourselves or others when in nature when things are truly good, we just admire and feel all things positive. In the city I fear that you will out of pride or a desire to succeed and achieve, go hook up with people. But I have felt that same desire, I feel like I’m shining when a handsome or interesting guy is fixated and fascinated by me. I feel powerful and I know my beauty and charm. Yet I’m never satisfied and this desire is fleeting and vain. Yet in nature I never need such validation, because my self love is infinite when I’m by a roaring ocean or tucked away in the woods with a book… you make me feel like I'm in nature and I'm hopeful that the feeling will last. You make me better. I used to think I needed so much time, all of my twenties really to be single and to have experiences. Yet most of the experiences of being single that I’ve had, regardless of how good they seemed on the surface, were infinitely less satisfactory than every experience with you. So while maybe openness could work for us I fear we’d put the root cause of our pursuit of others (resent, desiring attention, validation, achievement, pride) into this very pure thing we share and maybe it would get dirty and create distance and at that point I don’t think damage could be undone. Or could it?

According to Wordsworth and as mentioned in the art of travel, nature inspires us to locate and enforce the good within ourselves, which is what I aspire to do. I want to be my best self and shine, to fill every room I enter with the kind of energy that makes people feel comfortable and safe and happy. In loving you I aspire to do so honestly, selflessly, purely. I want no darkness In this love, none of those family of negative and destructive emotions.  I don’t want to feel anxiety or jealousy or pride. I don’t want to act out of those emotions. (Maybe you see why your action in welcoming ruby hurt me, why I am adamant about you dealing with that choice before we can talk about being exclusive) maybe this is  why I romanticize nature so much. It is good and pure. I think I’d like to live by an ocean, somewhere in nature. I used to think the city was the only place for me but I think I’m opening my eyes and my heart and learning more about myself.

The thing is Jake, the challenge for me, is remaining true to myself and these values that I really believe are so integral to a happy existence  throughout loving you. I can do it, but not if Im feeling those things. So I fear that maybe you see being true to yourself, and as a result, me in a different way. So I’m just gonna ask you, how do you see being true to yourself? I don’t want to fill in the blanks for you anymore. For me, I’m realizing that I don’t need hookups to grow anymore. It’s some thing that I would gladly sacrifice for you. Honestly. What do you think of these things? What do you think of us and how do you see things progressing and what do you see as a perfect scenario between us? I won’t be hurt no matter what your answer is as long as you promise that it’s the truth. If you take anything from me, I want it to be that the truth is the most important thing. I’m in nature right now and it’ll help me accept you and what you honestly want, no matter what It is. I hope it aligns but if not I’ll accept it anyways. Our personal growth should come before our relationship to each other in order to ensure that the relationship works and that our foundation is strong.  What do you think of my perspective and what is yours?

I know this is long, I had two hours and I wanted to spend them writing to you…

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bel